What I love about one

Having a newborn is a great experience... one I am looking forward to experiencing again months from now. I do, however, really enjoy having a one year old! Its such a fun age. 

I love how Braden is able to feed himself, how he is pretty much willing to eat anything.

Let me tell me, the boy LOVES to eat and drink juice. 

He knows that when we go through the line at starbucks he will get a juice box and he gets so excited.

I love how in the morning when I go to get him out of his crib, he stands up and reaches for me. Then, he puts his head on my shoulder. 

I love how happy he can be. Laughing and smiling constantly. 

I love how he plays. Always reaching for new things. 

I love how he is my little go-er. He constantly wants to walk... he's happy with just walking in a store.

He's so fast and whew, it can wear a person out!

I love how he talks. I look forward to hearing more from him. Especially the word, "mama" if he ever decides to say it! ;)

I love how at this point he'll still let me hold him and how there are those moments where he just wants his daddy.

I love how he wants his daddy... love hearing them talk and play. Its my favorite thing and could just make me cry because its so amazing.

I love the faces that he makes and how he gets them from me. 

I love how being outside is his favorite thing. He just wants to be outside... to walk, to run around, to play with his ball, to feel the grass in his hands.

I love how he has to have his big white bear with him at night. How he'll sit up and play with it.
How he'll grab it, bite its nose, and cuddle with it. So cute. 

I love how he's becoming his own little person. I love to see his personality and wonder who he will grow to be.

I love so much. 

Motherhood isn't always great

I just read this post on mothering. In a nutshell its pretty much about how every moment in motherhood isn't great. I love being a stay-at-home mama. I can't imagine myself doing anything else, but oh boy, I could totally relate to it. Sometimes its not great. Sometimes its super hard and frustrating. 

Sometimes there are tantrums that involve my son throwing himself on the ground, flailing his arms all over the place, and so much screaming. Sometimes theres just screaming. 

There are moments when no matter how many times I say no, he thinks yes.

Messes are never ending and nap time is a battle every single day. 

Counting down to bed time happens often and I'm pretty much always tired. 

But there are moments where none of that matters, amazing moments where all those crazy moments are forgotten.

Moments where he is so happy.

Moments where is smiling and trying to talk to me. 

Moments where he is my cuddly baby. 

Moments where he makes me laugh and smile. 

Motherhood (parenthood really) is the hardest job ever, but its completely worth it.

I document everything, okay?

Yes, even getting his teeth brushed for the first time.

Am I the only mama who does this?

I hope you don't get my teeth kiddo. 

Brush em good, okay?

We have a walker!

Just this afternoon at his party we were talking about how he'd probably walk soon and now he is!
So exciting! 

=)

Happy 1st Birthday!

He's so precious and happy. I love it.

I am so thankful for my boys. Getting pictures of them together, I love because their relationship is so special. They make my heart happy and thankful!

I love our love. 

Birthday party pictures to come sometime after his party Saturday!

Questions on Gratitude

Lately, I've come across posts from other bloggers that I like and therefore want to copy.This is one of those posts. It's definitely one I need to do...especially today. I need to take the time to really think about what I am grateful for. I am always grateful, but I don't always take the time to really think about such things. 

1. Who do you appreciate? There are many people I appreciate, but my husband is at the very top of the list. He works so very hard at a job that isn't his dream, at a job that most days is just a pain, but he does it because he wants to support us. He's also very supportive, loving, and giving. He's a great husband! =)

2. How am I fortunate? I am fortunate because of the life I live. There are so many people, so many children who don't get food to eat, water to drink, or a roof over their head. I'm fortunate enough to get those things! I'm also fortunate to have a college degree. So many people can't afford it. I'm fortunate also because I know Christ. So many people don't. For that I am one of the most fortunate!

3. What material possessions am I thankful for? Clothes, my phone, a computer, a car, a bed to sleep on.

4. What abilities do I have that I am grateful for? I'm grateful that I have a compassionate heart. Sometimes its so easy for the world to judge other for who they are or blame them for their circumstances, but I try to see the bigger picture, I try to see their heart. I'm not always good at it, but my heart is full of compassion for many.

5. What about my surroundings (my home, neighborhood) am I thankful for? I'm thankful to have a roof over my head and a warm place to sleep. I'm thankful that we are in a safe place, but mostly I am thankful that I am with my husband and son. They surround me daily and without them I don't know what I'd do. I'm also thankful that God is all around me.

6. What experiences have I had that I am grateful for? I want to say that I am grateful for my past, but sometimes thats hard. However, I know that theres a purpose in it, even if I never know what that is. Its a part of God's plan and its made me who I am today. 

7. What happened today/yesterday/this week/ this month/this year that I am grateful for?

Today-- time to rest. Somedays I feel like I get none and it was nice to nap with my son lying on me.

Yesterday -- some good time with just my husband, son, and I. One of my favorite things is when we have time just us, time to just enjoy each other. 

This week-- thats its Thanksgiving tomorrow (and someone's birthday)! =)

This month -- that we've been able to take some steps towards healing for us and made some decisions that will be good for us!

This year -- we got married and had a baby...couldn't get any better than that!    

8. What opportunities have I had that I am thankful for? I am thankful that I have the chance to stay home with my son. Its definitely a blessing. I get to see him grow and thats something I wouldn't change for the world!

9. What have others done that I am thankful for? My husband works to support us. That is something I can never thank him enough for. His parents have given us a place to stay while we pay off some debt. A friend from church welcomes her home for play dates and listens to me. Theres so much that others have done for me! 

10. What have others done that I am benefiting from in my life (even if I don't know who those people are?) I know others pray for us. Maybe I don't know who or when, but it helps!

11. What relationships am I thankful for? I am thankful for the relationship I have with my husband. It may not always be easy, but it is always worth it. I am thankful for my relationship with my son. Its a special relationship and he will always have a special place in my heart. I love them very much. I am also thankful for the friendships I have -- some I've had for years and some more recent, but my friends, they are so important and have been there through some of the toughest times. I'm so thankful to have people in my life who will be there no matter what!

12. What am I taking for granted that, if I stop to think about, I am grateful for? I am sure there is much. I think I take more for granted that I can even think of. At times, I think, I take most for granted. Maybe, its money, if I really think about it. I've mentioned debt before and I think, maybe, taking money for granted is what got us here. 

13. What is there about the challenges/difficulties I have experienced (or am experiencing) that I can be thankful for? (e.g. What have I learned? How have I grown?) I've learned what really matters - God and my family. Those things are the only things that really matter... if I only had those two things in my life, I'd not only be okay, but I'd be good. I've also learned that God's in control and I need to trust Him and lean on Him more.

14. What is different today then it was a year ago that I am thankful for? My heart is different. When my husband and I started dating I was emotionally a mess and after getting married and having him in my life thats changed a lot. He's helped to heal my heart. I'm so thankful for that! I am also thankful that my husband took it upon himself to bring my best friend from college and I back into one anothers' lives. I am thankful that she was willing to let me back in her life and that we were willing to forgive one another and open up to one another again. God is good. In all things He is good.

15. What insights have I gained that I am thankful for? I am thankful that I've learned that I can't change the way people act or the choices they've made. I can only be in-charge of me. Its nice to be able to let go of that and not carry the burden of other peoples' choices. 

I'm blank because...

I've seen multiple bloggers do this. I thought it was fun and different, so I'm joining in!

I'm weird because...

I have to sleep with my feet out of the covers

I have to have ice in my milk or its just not cold enough

I don't like being touched when I'm sleeping

I can make a million different faces

I'm a bad friend because...

I don't keep in contact like I should

I'm not very open and vulnerable

Sometimes I rather just be alone

I forget birthdays

I'm a good friend because...

I'll listen to my friends' hearts anytime

I cherish my friends so much

I'd do anything for my friends

I'm trustworthy

I'm sad because...

We have too much debt

I miss my close girlfriends

We don't have space of our own and I desperately want it

My baby boy is growing too fast

I'm happy because...

The weekend was a good one

I have a giving and loving husband

My baby boy brings me so much joy

His mercies are new every morning

I'm excited because...

Its almost Thanksgiving

My baby boy is turning one soon

We're slowly, but surely, paying off our debts

Christmas is coming

Worry

I'm a worrier. I know I shouldn't be, but I am. 

I've gotten better at not worrying as much.

I used to worry so much and get so upset by things that I'd be sick to my stomach and I couldn't eat. 

It was awful. It doesn't normally get that bad now, but I still worry.

Lately I've been worrying about what others think about me.

Especially when it comes to mothering. 

I worry that people are judging me as a mom... looking at me and thinking in their minds, "She doesn't know what she's doing, she's a bad mom." 

I'm the type of mom...

 Whose kid has had sweets before he's one. He likes oreos, what can ya do?

Whose child doesn't have a normal sleeping pattern. Maybe thats my fault.. I don't know, but I've tried. He sleeps when he wants, when he's tired!

Who lets her kid play by himself a lot. I with play him, I do interact with him, but he likes to do things on his own. 

I could go on and on, but you know what I feel like I'm doing in saying these things? I feel like I'm trying to defend myself as a mom and that isn't something I need to do. I don't need to apologize to anyone for how I parent or what I do and don't do as a mom. 

He's happy. 

He's well taken care of.

He's loved.

No, I'm not the perfect mom. I will always need to work on things, but the fact that he's happy, taken care of, and loved...that's what matters most. What people think of me, doesn't. 

Any mama's have this worry? How do you deal with it?

I'm gonna miss this

There's a country song called You're Gonna Miss This. It always gets to me.

Its a song about how we want to grow up so fast. 

As teenagers we can't wait to move out.

When we get married we can't wait to have kids.

When we have a small apartment, we want something bigger.

I've been there. 

We always want more then what we have, but the truth is... we will miss the things we had before, the simple things.

This song gets to me as a mama. I look forward to things with Braden. 

I look forward to him growing up and being there always.

But I know I'm going to miss things.

One of my favorite things is the mornings... when Braden wakes up and cries for me because he's hungry. 

I love being sandwiched in-between my two boys in the bed.

Yes, getting up early isn't always easy, but I will miss it!

I will miss all of being together in the comfy bed, cuddling. 

I will miss him letting me hold him.

When I get pregnant I will be so happy, but I know that I will miss just the three of us, too. 

I will miss him being little. I will miss him being my baby.

Theres so much I will miss, so I hold tight to it now. 

A mama's fear (and a winner)

We all have fears. I think a lot of those times those fears aren't something that would actually occur, but still they are there. I have a fear that is new to me since becoming a mother. I fear that somehow my son is going to get hurt. I know he will get hurt in life because thats what happens. I cannot (and should not) protect my son from every little thing. Getting hurt is how we learn sometimes. By hurt though, I mean, horribly. I actually have vivid images in my head of this happening. I've yet to determine if thats normal or not.

My biggest fear is that he's going to be taken. I think I fear this because I see it so often.

Right now, theres a baby girl my sons age missing in Kansas City. She's been missing for over a month.

I cried in our bed over this. I cried saying, "I don't want anyone to take my baby!" I was so upset by this that my husband brought him into our bed for a while. Its a fear that I am sure would never happen, but it breaks my heart to think about it.

I also have other images in my head of him getting hurt.
Right now we're living in a place where at the bottom of the stairs there is concrete. 

I fear him falling down the stairs. I fear him not making it because of that.

The list goes on and on.

I tell you this for two reasons...

Maybe another mama can relate.

But mostly, I tell you this because of how I deal with it. 

I TURN TO God with these images, with this worry.

Because that is what I HAVE TO DO. 

I put them out of my head and out of my heart.

I GIVE THEM to God. 

I TRUST HIM with my son because after all, He is the one who is in complete control.

He has my son IN HIS HANDS.

I AM AT PEACE when turning to Him with this.

Giving these thoughts to Him means I am FREE from them! 

They don't have to stick around and haunt me.

I do not have to worry!

Dear God, I know You are constantly watching over my son. 

I know You love him and protect him always.

I cannot thank You enough for this! 

Thank You for taking this worry from my hands and holding it in your own!

The winner of the Shabby Apple Giveaway is Linda Yan (I used the true random generator...I'd post it, if I knew how!)Congrats! I will email you soon!