Growing up happens way too fast!

Yesterday morning when I went to get Braden out of his crib I saw dried blood on his face. 

I looked at his face, but couldn't see anything that had bled or was bleeding. 

However, as the morning went on and Braden was being his silly self, 

I saw the inside of his lip. 

He had bitten it hard in the night. 

Possibly by bumping his head on the crib, like he tends to do. 

I sent a picture to James and we decided that we'd get him a big boy bed in the evening, 

rather than waiting until the weekend. 

Now, he's in a big bed. 

I read this post by a friend yesterday

 and it summed up a lot of what I feel about this and Braden growing up. 

It really does go too fast. It breaks my heart, a bit.

Just yesterday I remember finding out I was pregnant with Braden. 

It was a hard day, but that day, I will forever be thankful for. 

Just yesterday I remember the pregnancy.

How in the end I wanted him to enter the world so badly. 

I remember going to the hospital, thinking I was having contractions, and being sent home. 

I cried...because I just wanted my baby boy. 

I remember having the c-section.

Hearing him cry for the first time. My own tears came then, too.

Just yesterday I remember nursing him. 

How he needed me for that. 

Just yesterday I remember being able to hold him. 

How I could hold him and he'd sleep on me. How I could hold him and he'd be happy. 

Today... he'll be a big brother in about 60 days. 

He's no longer the baby, but a growing, silly, happy, boy. 

Today... he's able to go get his own food, if I'm just not getting it fast enough.

He can point to what he wants. Crackers, oreos, fruit, juice. 

Today... I can't hold him as much as I want. He's too squirmy, too busy.

But he does give me lots of kisses and hugs.

Oh, how I love them!

Today... he's in a big boy bed.

SOB.

Watching him grow up is one of the best things to see as his mama.

Honestly, however, it is really, really hard! 

I want to keep him my little boy forever. Part of me thinks, "Oh, this big bed happened too fast!"

Part of me just wants to put him back in the crib even though he did wonderfully in the bed. 

I know this will happen a lot as I watch him grow. 

^^^ He looks so much like his daddy in the picture!^^^

But I know I can't stop his growing.

It is just a part of life.

I'm glad I at least get to see it happen. 

P.S.

That's how he felt about it when we first put him in bed.

I think he was unsure of what was going on and he was really tired.

It didn't take too long for him to fall asleep and I only heard him make one little peep last night.

And I'm pretty certain I'm going to hear the word, "Car" a lot today. It is his favorite to say!

Mama is losing her mind!

This weekend was not a good one for me. Especially yesterday. 

I'll be honest and tell you that while I always love my son, I don't always enjoy motherhood.
It was just one of those days yesterdays...
Braden was constantly at my feet whining and wanting to be held.
And he screamed and was full of tantrums pretty much all day.
I didn't want to lose my mind, but seriously thought it was coming to that.

I want to keep my cool as a mother. 

I see so many mom's whether is be in the blogging world or real life, that seem to have it all together.

They handle motherhood so well. Never snapping at their kids and it just looks so easy for them. 

All the time, it looks easy for them. 

But that's not me....

Not when my son is screaming bloody murder because he can't walk outside right this minute,

Not when my son closes his eyes, clenches his fists, and opens his mouth loudly screaming,

Not when its all day long. 

I figure I can't be the only mom who feels this way. I hope not anyway.

I hope I'm not the only mom who wonders can I put my 15 month old in time out?

I hope I'm not the mom who, at times, feels on the verge of snapping in her anger. 

I hope I'm not the only mom who some days is just so exhausted. 

I'm hesitant to push the publish post button, 

but I'm hoping that in writing this post some other mother can relate... 

either tell me I'm not crazy or say, "hey, me too!" 

I'm so happy and thankful for God chose me to be Braden's mom.

I wouldn't change being his mom for anything, but somedays are just harder than others.

That's okay... we will make it through because this is our life. 

Somedays just need a little more prayer and patience.

Somedays, as a mom, I just need to take a break for myself and have some alone time. 

I'm actually convinced that as mom, taking a break is the best thing you can do for yourself and your child. Every once in a while, at least. 

A game he plays

I love watching Braden grow and see his personality emerge. 

I love to see what he enjoys and there is a game he plays that just makes me giggle and scream with delight. 

He puts his hands over his eyes and waits for you to say, "Where's Braden? Where's Braden?" And then he pulls his hands away as to say, "Here I am!" He'll do it again and again so happy until he moves onto something else. 

I love to see him so happy and enjoying playing with mom and dad. 

He's such a joy.

Lasts

A few nights ago completely unaware of it, I nursed this one for the last time. 

I expected it to take much longer than a few months to wean him and I expected him to struggle with it.

But he hasn't, not really. We give him some milk or water before he goes down and he's perfectly fine. 

For me, though, its been a strange thing. Its strange having stopped because nursing him has been something I've done since he was born...everyday, so to not be, is a bit sad. 

He no longer needs me in that way and that breaks my mama heart a bit. As mama's I think we think about firsts a lot... we remember those the moment.

The first time...

I saw him.

He held his head up.

He crawled.

He ate solids.

He walked.

He said dada. 

The lists of firsts go on and on, but lasts are important too. 

As much as it may break my heart, my little boy growing up, and doing things for a last time, it is a good thing because it means he is growing and developing.

So grow baby grow!