Motherhood is hard

I've been awful at blogging lately. Not exactly on purpose. There have been days when I've been far too tired pregnant, there's been too much to do, and then there was yesterday when the toddler pulled the cord for the internet and the tv out of the wall, and I didn't realize it. Plus, I've just been a bit down on myself when it comes to motherhood, so I haven't felt up to writing. 


Motherhood is hard. They tell you that when you're pregnant, but you don't really get it until you have to get up five times during the night to feed the baby that for some reason cries a whole lot. Then, somehow you may forget how hard it is until you have a toddler who hits and bites you whenever you bring him inside because, "Mom, why would you? It's my favorite place!" Doesn't matter that its 100+ degrees outside and your less than a month away from having another baby. Some days its just hard because of the fussing that takes place for reasons you don't even understand. Some days its just hard because of you and not the toddler. Honestly, that's how I'm feeling lately... like its hard because of me. I'm not impressed with the job I'm doing lately, not impressed with my mothering. 


The other night as my husband and I were laying in bed talking I confessed this and some of my fears. Toddlerhood is hard. Braden is growing and learning. He desperately wants to be independent, which is a great thing, but there are some things, we, as parents, can't let him do. We can't let him get out of the tub himself because even though he thinks he's big enough, he's not. We can't let him just eat the m&ms in the trail mix because his teeth will root, we can't let him stand directly in front of the tv because it will hurt his eyes. But these things... he wants to do... and when we tell him no or take him away from it, he loses it. He kicks, he hits, he's bites, he screams. You know, all the normal toddler stuff. I look at him like I don't know him sometimes and a lot lately, I catch myself yelling. 
"Braden, NO!" 
"Stop it!" 
"I'm not doing the fussing today!" 
I hate the yelling... it makes me cringe. It makes it worse. It makes me feel like an awful mother. It also makes me fear that I am hurting him emotionally. That's probably one of my biggest fears. I don't ever want my son to feel like I don't love him, to feel like I don't care. I love him with only the love a mother could give her son. I'd do anything for him and I hope he comes to understand that as he grows. I hope he also comes to realize that everyone has bad days some days. He does. I do. We do, as parents. I hope he realizes that even though we have bad days - days of yelling, of being the people we don't want to be, but that doesn't mean, we don't love. Because we do, we love a whole lot. 


Trying to be a better mom. Trying to have grace with myself and my sweet boy. 

Photos taken by Nikki Wiarda. 

My weekend

It was a pretty good weekend. 

Didn't do a whole lot, but got a few things done at the same time! 

I've been itching to get Braden and Maeva's room together. I went shopping BY MYSELF for a few hours & picked up a few things to include in their room. I love this sign for Braden because it is so true! Little boys are loud and dirty! Love him still! Then, I spent a chunk of time in their room after my husband rearranged. There's still a lot to do, but hey, I have 6 weeks until she gets here! =) 

Some time in the word. I really do love and appreciate what She Reads Truth is doing in my life! I say that over and over again... but I can't remember the last time I read it on a daily basis! So good - encouraging and often, convicting! 

I hit my 33rd week yesterday. I can't believe how fast this pregnancy has flown by. But at the same time I am so ready to have a somewhat normal body back...And to start working out and really aiming for that! :S

Naps always happen.
Braden's been in his big bed for a bit now, but finally figured out how to get out! 
He seems to enjoy the floor more. Ends up there...always. With his bear of course! 

Family time outside. We haven't been able to go outside really (except for the pool) because it has been insanely hot and I just couldn't do it. When the temperature is 100+ a pregnant lady just can't do it! Braden was happy to be able to run free outside for a bit. We enjoyed it too because it was so much cooler and pleasant! Then, of course, we had to go to sonic and get some ice cream! =)

What did you do over the weekend?

Are your weekends usually full or do you relax?
I think relaxing with my family is the best part.

Toddler Basketball

These past fews days as a mom have been a bit of a struggle for me.

I'm doing good in some areas, losing it in others. That's how it goes sometimes, I guess.

I think its being pregnant, but his fussing has been driving me a little nutty. 

I find myself snapping and getting easily frustrated. 

I know I shouldn't get upset with him and say, "Stop fussing! I can't do it today!" because well, he is only 19 months old. I get mad at myself after I do this because its not loving, but I just lose it.

Any suggestions? 

I'm trying to be a better mom. Trying to figure out what he enjoys doing and do those things. 

He likes to read, play with his cars, and splash in the tub. 

Oh, and wrestle, but that hurts, so I leave that to daddy! 

We do those things sometimes, but I want to do other things as well. 

So, today I tried something new. 

I took a box we had laying around, cut the bottom out, and taped it to the wall!

Basket ball! 

I think he liked it. For a whole 10 minutes anyway. 

I'm trying to be more creative because sometimes I just don't know what to do.

I feel like a lot of the time he rather play by himself 

or his idea of playing is crawling all over me like I'm a jungle gym 

and at almost 32 weeks pregnant, that is not enjoyable to me or his baby sister! 

What do you do with your toddler? I need more ideas for my 19 month old!