Be present

We were headed back home from errands and Braden fell asleep in his car-seat.
Considering I'm pregnant and was in need of the ladies room,
I didn't want to sit in the car, in the garage, like I normally would until he woke up.
So I got him out of the car-seat as gently as I could.
He snuggled on my shoulder, as I carried him to his crib. I didn't want to put him down.
I wanted to hold onto my sleeping toddler because he doesn't nap on me anymore.
I miss that... him sleeping on me, not wiggling, but just peacefully asleep.

In that moment I was convicted. Convicted to be more present in my child's life.
What things keep me from being present? The list is long... much longer than I want,
much longer than it should be. The computer, my kindle fire, my cell phone, the tv...
those are the things that often distract me from my son. Other things that distract me: A messy room, piles of laundry, being tired, the list of things I WANT to do. I know, though, that these
things aren't worth much. They are not worth ignoring my child. I don't purposely do it, but
I do it. I want that to change. It needs to change.

I saw a question the other day aimed towards mothers, towards parents.
The question was something like, "What would your child say is most important to you?"
I don't want my son saying that the computer or my cell phone is more important.
The internet - facebook, twitter, pinterest, email - can wait.
The dirty dishes, the piles of laundry, the crums on the floor - can wait too.
I know all of that will still be there!
I don't want my son to think those things are more important than he is.
Because they aren't, but I am sure that's what I am saying to him, when I put those things above playing with him, spending time with him.
As a stay-at-home mom, I feel like my job is just that, to be a mom.
To take care of him, play with him, read to him, spend time with him, love him, just be with him.
I want to do better at that.
So I'm trying to take a step back from the things that distract me.
Be on the computer, my phone, less. I'll fail, probably a lot, but I want to spend time where time needs to be, where time is the most important.
With my son.
I want to soak him up. I want to enjoy him.
All of him because there is so much to soak up and enjoy in toddlerhood.

Dear Braden

There is no greater joy than being a mama.

You taught me that. 

From the first moment I heard your cry,

tears filling my eyes and streaming down my face, I was filled with joy.

I never knew what joy was until that moment.

You show me joy everyday... there is no one that can show more joy, than a child. 

Thank you for showing me joy, baby boy. 

It's a great gift. 

You, sweet boy, make me laugh and smile more than anyone ever could.

Just looking at your faces, I can't help but burst into laughter. 

You do things... like drag your dino over to me because you want to ride him 

or say "yes" and I can't help but smile because you're growing so much. 

It makes me so proud to see you grow, to see you develop a personality. 

I've never been so proud. I will always be proud of you, no matter what sweet boy, 

mama will always be proud.

I love you sweet boy.

Love, 

Mama 

Dear Braden

You, my sweet little boy, are growing so fast.

Too fast for mommy and daddy. 

It makes my heart ache... in good ways and in sad ways.

I love hearing you say new things like "car" and "yes".

I love watching you do new things like crawling up onto your water table (scares me, but you are reaching new milestones!), kissing me, and blowing raspberries on my stomach. 

I wonder how you learn these things.

They make me smile and laugh.

But it makes me realize how time really does go too quickly.

Don't grow up too fast, okay? 

I say that, but I know you will... 

Because this time together, you being little, only lasts a little while.

Know though, sweet boy, that no matter what you will always be my baby boy.

I love you.

Love,

Mama