It was another night of me sobbing into my husband's chest.
I cried and cried about how hard motherhood is.
I cried and cried because I'm tired of the disobedience, the crying, the fussing.
Who am I kidding, I was crying because I'm just plain tired ALL THE TIME.
I cried because I understand how some mom's just leave and never come back
and then I cried some more because I love them so much
and of course I'd never do that (BUT I GET IT).
Then, huge tears fell from my eyes as I cried about all the other mom's who
seem to always be enjoying their children all of the time.
Why can't I be that mom? Why can't I adore them so much all the time?
Why can't I always think they are the best gift in the entire world all the time?
Then, my husband said a few things that I needed to hear
and probably will need to hear again.
He told me that a lot of what I was saying wasn't true...
The wanting to enjoy them, the adoring them, the thinking they are a gift...
That I may say I don't, but that he could scroll
through my Instagram feed and see otherwise.
They are my world, it's obvious, but it's okay I don't always feel all
the lovely feelings when it comes to motherhood.
He realized right away that all these moms I'm seeing are mostly on social media
(mainly Instagram because um, I have a problem and I rarely leave the house)
and he told me that's not real life or at least not all of it.
He told me that I'm a really honest person
and that not all people are as open and honest as I am.
People often don't post the ugly, messy, losing my mind moments.
They post the beautiful, happy, good moments.
Maybe you see a smiling mama nursing her baby in the passenger seat of the car.
What you don't see though? Is the fact that 10 minutes before hand that sweet baby
was screaming her head off and her now smiling mama was about to yank her hair out.
Maybe you see three sweet kids all in the bathtub.
What you don't see though? The fact that they were just dumping water on the carpet
for about the billionth time and their mom was screaming for them to quit it
or it was bedtime RIGHT NOW!
Maybe you see a mama talking a picture with all her kiddos and she's so
thankful and grateful that they are hers because they are the best kids in the world.
What you don't see though? Sometimes she goes to her closet just to sit and eat
chocolate because all of it feels so overwhelming sometimes
and she's just so afraid she can't do it anymore.
We often don't see those times because we don't want to admit it so openly.
That makes us vulnerable and afraid that other people will think we are failing.
We may think we are failing, but we don't want others to see it or call us out on it.
So we post the beautiful, the happy, the good.
Often those things can make us mama's feel like failures, like we aren't good enough,
like there is something wrong with us
because ours lives aren't as beautiful and happy as that other woman's.
Well, I'm writing here to tell you (and myself) that's bull-crap.
Every mama (every single person really) has bad, ugly, not-picture perfect moments.
Motherhood is hard enough without playing the comparison game.
So, let's stop comparing our lives to the ones we see through the screen.
Let's stop comparing and start knowing that we aren't seeing the big picture.
That life is beautiful and messy whether or not we share it or it shared with us.