Lost In Motherhood

There are so many things in motherhood that I didn't expect,
so many things that surprised me because I never thought them possible.
The mom guilt. The wanting to run away. The constant tiredness.
The fact that a crying baby or fussy toddler could
make you feel like you may very well lose your mind.
The realizing that it really is the hardest job in the world.
I mean, I'd heard that, but didn't realize until the baby was actually in my arms.
Another thing that never even crossed my mind?
That one day I would feel as if I'd completely lost myself in motherhood.

I can feel so lost in the...
diapers I change multiple times a day
mountain of crumbs that seem to
pile up on the kitchen floor or the never-ending laundry.
crying, fussing, whining.
breaking up siblings fights.
meals and snacks I feel like I'm always putting on the table.
blocks and trains that are all over the place.
never ending words coming out of my kids mouths
getting up early and going to bed late.

As mama's we give our all to our kids
because they need us, they depend on us.
It's not just the giving and doing that can leave me feeling lost.
At times I feel like I've lost a little bit of myself.
Some days it feels like I've lost huge chunks of who I used to be.

Between taking care of the kids and the house,
I often don't feel like I have time to even think.
It's actually something I've been struggling with for a while now.
So often it can feel like I really don't have the time to ponder things.
To ponder how I think or feel about things,
to think about my relationship with God,
to think about my passions.
I used to be so much better at it.
I used to journal like my life depended on it
and I used to know what I enjoyed doing, what I cared about.
I feel like I've lost that part of myself in motherhood.

Honestly, I think it's somewhat normal to lose parts of yourself when you become a mom.
Your given this little bundle of joy and it changes things.
Maybe it changes your relationship with friends
because they don't have children yet and that leaves you feeling lost.
Maybe it changes your marriage some because you have to figure this out together
and sometimes thats the hardest thing to do.
Maybe it changes what you care about, what your passions even are.
Maybe it changes what your day to day looks like.
You can no longer just go out because you have a baby to take care of.
You can no longer have as much free time
as you used to because the kids need a lot of attention.
Kids definitely change things in life.
The truth is I am a different person.
I have lost some things, but mostly I think, I've just changed.
Even though I think I've lost some things as a mama,
I think deep down I haven't lost the core of who I really am.
I'm still caring and compassionate.
Helping people is still a passion of mine.
God is still important to me.
I take comfort in knowing that a lot of me is still the same
and as I think about it, I'm not really sure that I've lost myself in motherhood.
I've just changed and grown. I'm just a different me as a mom.
And that's okay. I think that's the way it's suppose to be.

Some days I may feel lost (okay, maybe more than some days...)
but I believe that this whole motherhood thing is a journey
and I'm simply finding my way and finding myself through it.

Do you feel like you've lost yourself in motherhood?
Want to read what two other mama's think about losing yourself in motherhood?
Check out this post and this post written by some friends of mine!
Motherhood looks different to all of us, but all our thoughts are good ones!