Sometimes this space is blank.
It's not that I don't want to be here, I don't want to write,
but there's things that stop me from really putting my heart here.
I used to not struggle so much with pouring my heart out on paper.
During high school I wrote for the paper and even in college.
I would write with conviction not really caring who read it or what they thought.
I journaled like my life depended on it and truthfully,
during college, my life did depend on it.
I wish that were still the case now.
Really, it's not that it isn't the case...
I need to write like that, I want to write like that, but fear gets in the way.
Fear of who is reading this space and fear of what people will think.
I think I worry more about who is reading my words more than anything.
Sometimes this space is blank because I'm afraid family is reading
and I don't want them to know so much.
Sometimes I'm afraid people from my past come here (yes, I know I sound paranoid)
and that stops me from writing certain things because I don't want them to
know that at times the past can still affect me far more than I'd like it to.
Those reasons are apart of why this space can be neglected
and then I think about this blog and how I'm just so unsure I even want to keep it up.
I blog mostly about my children and that makes sense because I did start
blogging to write about them, to document their life.
Sometimes though, I wonder if I should just give that up too.
Not necessarily documenting our lives, but putting it out there for the world to see.
I wonder if I'm putting them out there too much?
Is it fair for me to blog about their lives when they can't tell me if they are okay with it?
I'm not the first blogger to wonder this and I'll probably ask myself this many times.
Not just about this space, but all my social media spaces.
My heart is just really unsure of it all even though I do enjoy sharing our lives.
So, if this space (or any space) seems neglected, now you know the reasons why.
I think about my blog daily, but I'm just unsure about keeping up with it
and often think about taking it a different direct completely.
Do you struggle with sharing your life on social media?
Or is it something you simply don't worry about?
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I haven't put a whole lot of thought into what I share. hmm. Maybe I should start
ReplyDeleteI think it is completely normal to have reservations about what you post on Social Media. As a teacher, I feel like I have to filter a lot of the things I post about - and not that I would be going crazy with my words, but I feel like I am looked at differently as a teacher, so I completely stay away from certain topics.
ReplyDeleteYou are a very eloquent writer. Perhaps you could take your writing in a different direction? :)
Kassie, I totally understand where you're coming from and there's nothing wrong with having such questions & hesitations. It's all a balancing act and it has to be grounded in your values and personal preferences. Sounds like you need to create some space to get clear. Trust your intuition. It's your choice to make. Feel good about it.
ReplyDeleteI definitely struggle with sharing my life online... At least on everything but my personal Facebook. SO I totally get it! I guess because I actually know most of my Facebook friends I'm less worried about getting a creepy stalker or something... haha.
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