There's a longing that usually passes over me every day.
It's a longing that was filled when I lived with a group of girls
in the coffee house during college.
It's a longing I didn't think much about until I was married with babies.
It's a longing for friends, for close friendship.
Like I mentioned in college I had a close group of girlfriends.
Most of us lived together and we spent time together every day.
After graduation though we all became spread out, living in different places.
That makes it more difficult to be as close.
Then, throw motherhood in there
and some times it feels downright impossible to have friends!
Am I the only mom who struggles with making friends?
It's hard to be as close to my best friends not only because we're in different places,
but we're also in different stages of life.
Most of them are pretty newly married and without kids.
Being friends with women who don't have kids is almost painful sometimes.
When you become a mom your kids become most of your life.
Are they all my life is about? No, but most of my life is about them.
My family is my whole heart and often if you aren't a parent, you don't really get that.
I understand that, but my heart often desperately misses having close friendships.
Friendships change when you get married and again when you have kids.
At least that's my experience.
You can't spend as much time with your friends.
Your time is spent more so with your husband and your kids.
I wouldn't change being married or having kids, of course,
but I wish friendship was easier.
I have a few moms friends, but it feels hard to get to a deeper level
when we have kids running wild.
I long for that though.
I long for girls nights and deeper conversation.
I long for trials and joys being shared.
I long for prayers being prayed for each other.
I long for building friendships not to feel so awkward.
Does that happen to anything other mom?
It's awkward having to meet other moms.
Plus I feel like I'm a bit socially awkward because I don't get out much
and spend most of my time with three kids all under the age of four.
Mom brain + not much stimulating conversations with toddlers and babies,
makes me feel like I've lost a bit of my mind.
Seriously, does any other mom feel this way? Ha ha
It just seems harder to make friends the more I grow and the more babies I have.
I'm trying though and that's what it takes. Trying and getting out.
I'm thankful for the friends I do have, moms or not.
Do you struggle with making friends as a mom?
Do you have any suggestions about the whole thing?
I'm actually having the opposite problem right now. Most of my girlfriends are having children, and I haven't been blessed with any yet. Many of them seem to feel the way you do -- that our friendship no longer offers the same benefits as a friendship with another Mom would because I "can't" relate to their circumstances. ("My family is my whole heart and often if you aren't a parent, you don't really get that") I can tell you from experience, it's pretty devastating to be on the receiving end of that because to most of the married women I know, their families are their hearts whether they include children or not.
ReplyDeleteMaking friends as an adult is hard, and I'm sure it would be very beneficial for you to have friends in a similar stage of life to build you up in your vocation as a mother. I just wouldn't discount your old friends so quickly as not being able to "get it."
I'll pray you are able to meet some great friends soon! :)
I can't easily comment from my phone, so I hopped onto the computer just to comment here. You are not alone, not at all. Oddly enough I have a similar post in my blog drafts. I agree - Finding friends as an adult is hard as it is and then you add in a husband, and then you add in kids - it seemingly gets tougher. I have friends that aren't in a relationship at all and they don't get the "I want to be spending time with my husband" thing but I always found ways to accommodate. Then I had my daughter and some of those friends just didn't get it. They didn't understand that I wasn't willing to get a sitter (I've NEVER gotten a sitter) to go have a coffee date. They have been understanding but it doesn't make it any less weird. Then once a friend came over and I asked if she cared if I gave A milk and I nursed - A was about 6 months or so - and she goes "oh. you are still nursing her?" and I explained that yes I was, she didn't get why I couldn't just put it in a cup. So I get it. We've had friends that have had get togethers at 9pm at night, tell us we can bring A - but HELLO it's 9pm at night, then they get mad at us - but yet we invite them over to our house for dinner and it's too far away. Frustrating.
ReplyDeleteI do have mom friends though...most of which live farther away. Some I have a good balance with there is no judgements, just life and friendships, it's nice. While I have other friends that I parent the total opposite of and it's tough b/c they almost don't get why I do what I do - which is fine but that underlying feeling of judgement is stressful. It might be in my head though. Sometimes it would be nice to have friends and make new friends but making mom friends seems just as tough.
I'm right where you are.
ReplyDeleteIt IS hard when kiddos are running around. I feel like I never remember what I wanted to talk about or what I wanted to inquire on in my friends' life when we finally get together. So distracting. It is nice to make a mom-date outside of a playdate to get to know another mama, but it is SO HARD to find time (especially with your hubby working nights). I feel ya friend.
ReplyDeletePlus, I just think there is something about adulthood that is way more isolating than the college years, and that is hard to get used to.