Crusin' in Survival Mode

If I'm being honest here I've felt like I've been in survival mode for 3 years. 

I was in survival mode when Braden was born almost 3 and half years ago.

I didn't have the slightest idea as to what motherhood would bring or what I was doing.

By the time I felt like I finally somewhat got it, I was pregnant with Maeva. 

I was so tired + sick that it was hard to function, so Braden and I watched a lot of tv.

Sometimes we went on walks. A lot of the time we rested. 

After I had Maeva it was even harder because two kids, 

twenty two months apart, throws you for a loop! 

So survival mode again and then I had everything under control (for about two seconds)

until I got pregnant with Sutton and here I am on survival mode again. 

Survival mode. Survival mode. Survival mode. 

I hate survival mode. 

Honestly, it makes me feel like the worst mother in the world. 

Some days I can muster up the physical and emotionally energy to do more,

but often I'm just trying to make it through the day, trying to keep everybody alive.

Oh, and making sure I don't lose my mind! 

Some days even those things seem like too much. 

Really it's all just exhausting to me, but I wouldn't change having my babies for anything. 

I love them more than words could ever say. 

They make me laugh and smile every single day and that is enough for me! 

I'm just tired of living in survival mode. 

I'm tired of handing Braden the iPad way too much. 

Or turning on care bears on netflix.

I'm tired of counting the hours until nap time

and bed time too. 

Survival mode really seems exhausting in itself.

I know motherhood is suppose to be more than that. 

I want it to be. I know my kids do as well.

Do you struggle with this?

Any tips mamas?