Wednesday, March 19, 2014

My struggle in abiding

I've been struggling lately. A LOT.
With my anger, with my emotions.
Some of it aimed at my children, most of it aimed at my husband.
It's been out of control. I've felt out of control.
I'll admit that I've been a bit of a crazy person lately.
They haven't deserved any of it and I've know that.
Yet, it's so easy to lash out. It's so easy to lose it.

Yesterday, I was feeling so tired of it all.
Lies were coming at me left and right.
"You're a horrible mother!"
"You're an even worse wife!"
"You can't do anything right!"
"You are so alone."
The list of lies that hit me on a daily basis could go on and on.
But the thing is, they are all lies. There is no truth in those things.
Sure I mess up. I'm not perfect. But who is?

I shared my struggles on twitter
and was encouraged by a friend to spend some time in the word.
It is exactly what I needed to do and found myself doing so for over an hour.
So often I feel thirsty for His word, but feel like there isn't ever time to drink it in.
I'm a mom of 3 kids 3 and under. When do I even have time to breathe?!?!
As I sat there with my Bible open I chose to read verses about abiding in Him
because my soul knows so much, that is what I need!
As I read about abiding in Him and Him abiding in me,
I knew I hadn't been doing so in a while.
I knew instantly that this is why I'm struggling with anger,
with my emotions, with heart issues.
If we do not abide in Him, how can He abide in us? He simply cannot.
If we do not go to Him, fruit will not come.
If we do not spend time with Him, the one of peace, we will not feel peace.
Even today, these thoughts still linger and I know that abiding in Christ is a must.
If I want to feel peace and not anger,
If I want to be in control of my emotions instead of them controlling me,
If I want my marriage and children to thrive,
If I want to grow and be like Christ,
then I MUST abide in Him.
I will struggle with this, going to Him day to day,
as much as I should because I am human. I am not perfect.
It is part of my sin, this struggle, thinking I can do it all alone.
Looking at my life though and feeling all I am, I know I cannot.
So abide in Him, I will and the fruit will surely come.

Do you struggle with this?
What has helped you?

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