Tuesday, May 21, 2013

An honest struggle with my weight

I've had this post in the back of my mind for a while now.
However, I've been avoiding it because I'm insecure and anxious.
I know people have wanted me to share and it's good for me to do so.
Please be kind as you read about my honest struggles with my weight.

This is me in college, my junior year I believe.
This is me 110 pounds.
This is me perfectly content with my weight, not having to worry about it at all.
This is the way I wish I looked now.
That's the truth even though I know it wouldn't be for the best.

I'm not 110 pounds, not even close.
Looking at this picture of myself I know I was tiny.
I know looking back through other pictures there were times where I was too thin,
times where I looked ill,
and moments where people questioned what I did with my food after I ate it.

I know in my head that being that thin wouldn't be good for me.
My heart however doesn't agree.
My heart longs to be thin,
to not have to worry about it every single day,
to not cry because my clothes don't fit.
My heart tells me that it rather look like a teenage girl than a woman.
I rather not have thighs, hips, or boobs.
My heart tells me that in order to be that way I should just stop eating.
I hate that I have these thoughts...
especially that last one because I know it could cause damage.
But I want to be honest here, it's good for me to be, and that thought, it is so ever present.

It's so hard struggling with this when I never had to before.
I think that's one of the biggest struggles when it comes to this.
I went from looking like a child, to pregnant, to having the body of a woman.
I'm not used to it and that makes it painful so often.

My weight is a daily battle.
I hate getting dressed in the morning because nothing fits the way I feel it should.
I see myself in the wrong light.
I look at myself and think I'm fat.
I look at myself and am disgusted.
It's not an easy battle and it takes work. A lot of work.
I do better some days than others.

I'm trying to eat better.
More veggies and fruit, less junk.
It's hard for me because I'm a huge emotional eater.
Kids screaming? Give me some oreos!
Stressed about the house? Give me some ice cream!
Upset about my weight? Chocolate please!
Seriously, it's bad and I know I need to work on it even more.
Like I said, some days are better.
The ItWorks wraps are also helping me feel better.
If you haven't heard of them, you should totally check them out!
They tighten, tone, and firm.
Here are my results so far!

Super hard for me to share these pictures, but the wraps have helped me a lot. 
I still have a ways to go, but every time I wear a wrap I feel a bit better. 
I usually wear one wrap over night (you can do it every 72 hours) and then chug water the next day.
I've noticed a huge difference and am so thankful for these wraps! 
They have definitely motivated me and I can't wait to get to the end result. 

I know this struggle isn't going to go away overnight.
It is a daily battle, but I can do better with that.
I can treat my body and myself better.

Have you tried the wraps? What do you think about them? 
Hope your Tuesday is great!


  1. I've had all of these thoughts. Nobody warned me that the hardest part about being a new mom would be my body insecurities. Those wraps look awesome though! You're doing great, keep up the good work!

  2. I feel everything you mentioned as well. The not wanting to eat because I know that would help me lose weight- oh yeah. Not every day, but fleeting thoughts. I hate it. I cry when I have to get dressed to go somewhere. I feel like my life would be so much better if I just didn't have this extra weight around the middle! But then I find myself eating donuts and drinking pop and I just feel so defeated. I'm right there. How much are those wraps btw? They look amazing!

  3. I have tried the wraps and didn't see HUGE results, but maybe I need to be more consistent. My anxiety makes me wants to just eat crap all the time. Such a vicious cycle! BUT-- we can do this! IN a healthy way, too!


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