Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Things on my mind

There's been a lot on my mind lately and I wish I had a place to put them. 
So, here are some of my thoughts, that maybe I'd expand on if I were more vulnerable. 

Speaking of being vulnerable... its so hard. I need to be more open, I need to be more trusting.
Why is it so difficult for me? Why do I shudder at the thought? Why am I so fearful?

I have the cutest little boy in the entire world. And I cannot believe this baby bump. Or the fact that I'm going to have two to love and care for. Kinda freaks me out. 

The past is haunting and I wonder when it won't be, if it ever won't be. 

There's so much I want to write about, blog about... but I'm fearful of doing so. I didn't used to be so fearful of expressing myself in words, but I am now and I hate that.

This weather is absolutely beautiful. In the 60's in February. Crazy!

Why hasn't Braden said "Mama" yet? Will he ever or will he just call us both "dada" forever?

I feel like the laziest pregnant person. I really should fold that mountain of laundry, but I don't want to.

I don't play with my son enough. I know I don't. I have so much to work on as a mama and I wonder will I ever feel like I really know what I'm doing? 

Worry about friends, family, money... so much in life to worry about. I know I need to trust God will it all. Help me to trust You more God.

I'm emotionally a mess. That's how I've felt lately...anyway.

I don't want to go to church. I'm admitting that to myself (and to you) because I'm afraid that everyone sees what I've done wrong, all my mistakes. I know thats wrong, but I feel that in my heart. 

I have a lot to work on in my relationship with God and I should do that NOW. I want Him to be the biggest part of my life... the biggest part of my family, but if I don't work on it now, it won't ever be and that would tragic. 

I need to drink more water. 

I love my husband and my son so much... I don't know what I'd do without them. 
My husband is so supportive and loving. I'm so thankful for that. I don't tell him that enough. 

I miss my close girlfriends. 

Life is good. There are so many blessings and I need to focus more on those. 

Just a bit of my mind. What's on yours? 


  1. When I was pregnant with my second I always felt freaked out about how I was going to be able to handle two, but I did and you will too. It can be overwhelming but you make it work. :)

    1. I know I'll be able to handle it... may just take a lot of getting used to! =)

  2. That's really cute that Braden calls you Dada :)
    I keep wondering what my second pregnancy will be like! I remember how exhausted I was at the beginning of my first, and think it is gonna be double hard with a child.
    I really want to talk with you sometime!
    We should skype...or google video chat (it seems to work better). When do you have time to do this? I stay at home with Jane (YEY) so I am pretty open. Let me know and we can TALK!
    Love you Kassie!

  3. ahh friend! What an honest post!!

    fears can be so real and overpowering at times. I too felt very lazy being pregnant this time when you feel that just remind yourself you are growing a So when you look back at your day laundry might not have gotten done but something wonderful developed with baby :)

    The fact that you worry about whether or not you play with your son enough shows me that you do ;)

    last my favorite scripture:

    "For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and sound mind."

    remember God is not fear...that is the enemy at work so when you feel that fear start to overwhelm you just repeat this scripture like is going out of style...I struggled with this for a longgggg time and we the enemy attacks I am armed and ready ;)

  4. Its in our nature to fear and doubt, and I struggle with it too!
    I try to remind myself that worry and doubt are not of God, and that he holds so much hope for us:)
    Have a wonderful sunday!


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