I don't feel good lately. I don't mean physically... the morning sickness has pretty much subsided (Thank You, God!), but what I mean is emotionally and spiritually. I was driving in the car earlier, which is where a lot of things seem to hit me. I was thinking about how lately I've been in a horrible mood... I've been mean, angry, depressed, and just plain tired. Some of it comes with being pregnant and the hormones, but I know its more than that.
Things in my past are bothering me. Things in life are bothering me. And I'm not very good at talking about things... I'm way better at shutting down, which is what I've done lately when it comes to conflict or about whats going on in my head and heart. I keep a lot of it in. I know thats not healthy. I know I need to work on those things. Sometimes I just need an attitude adjustment. Other times I need more than that. Other times I need to scream, cry, vent, pray, write. I've been feeling so fake lately, so much like a fraud and I hate those feelings, but I think it comes from not talking about things, from pretending things are okay when they aren't. I long for close girlfriends to talk to...really talk to. I have close girlfriends, but I don't because of fear. More than anything though I know I need God. That's what hit me the most in the car. I recently read something that said something like if ones Bible is falling apart, then their life probably isn't. Well, my Bible isn't falling apart, but my life sure feels that way at times. At least emotionally. So, I told myself that I was going to change that... that I am going to read the Bible. That should be a given, I know, but I haven't been. Its been a long time. So, I promised myself that I'm going to read through the Psalms. Even if its just one a day. Maybe it will adjust my attitude and help me feel better. I sure hope so.
What scripture lifts you up when you're down?
I'd love to know.
I'd love to know.