I've written about my struggle a bit in having a relationship with Christ. Its not that I don't have a relationship with Him. I do believe in Him and I do talk to Him. I even read scripture every once in a while, but I know, in my heart that the relationship is nowhere close to where it should be. I know that things need to change. The issue though, is that I am the one that has to do the changing. How often do I place the blame elsewhere?
The place I put the biggest blame is on time. I simply don't have the time, I say, but I have to make time.
Just like I make time for my husband, son, other family members and friends... I have to make time for Jesus. Yet, again the excuses come... I need to do this and I need to do that. The truth is though - that I NEED to spend time with Jesus. "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me (John14:6)."Without spending time with Him and focusing on my relationship with Him I forget the way, I get blinded by lies and don't see the truth, and life really becomes meaningless.
The biggest thing however, the reason I know I need to change things is because of how my life, spirit, and heart feel. I feel down. I feel stressed. I feel miserable. Life really feels like its falling apart lately. I read recently that a person's whose Bible is falling apart more than likely probably has a life that isn't falling apart. That got to my heart and I know myself...I know that reading His word is what I need to do because that is when I feel the best. That is when I feel most encouraged, when I feel less stressed, and when I'm all around more happy. Its also when I feel like life is going well.
But I still don't read even though I know that. I place more blame. I blame others by saying they aren't leading or giving me what I need. I've been convicted of that too, though. The truth is that my relationship is between me and God. I've always believed that a person's relationship with God is just between them and God. So why do I blame? Because its easy. Because it takes the pressure off of me. But its no one else's fault. Its all on me. I cannot blame my lack of relationship on anyone else.
God, I know changes need to be made. I'm so glad that You don't do guilt, but that you just nudge the heart and show me what I need to do. Help me make the changes I need to and help me to help others as well. Only You can help me.