Time to wrestle with Him

My heart hurt. It felt broken, crushed, but more than anything it felt angry.
I'd never felt so angry before. It consumed me. It was all I could think about.
I'd come home from work and I'd crawl into bed with my journal.
The tears, they'd fall almost instantly and they wouldn't stop.
I'd cry for hours, pleading with God to not make this all true.
I'd scribble in my journals angry words to God...
This can't be happening,
I don't deserve this,
Curse words, hate, bitterness, resentment, really ugly thoughts.
That whole summer my heart + mind were only on those things.
It was the worst time in my life,
but it was also the one time in my life that I felt the closest to God.

I refer to that summer as the summer from hell.
I've never been so angry in my life - not before and so far not yet.
I hope not ever again.
I do miss one thing though, from that time, and it is going to God with my heartache.
I'd never gone to God like that before and haven't really since then.
That needs to change. I know that, deep in my heart and soul.
There is always something to wrestle with God about.
Maybe it's...
Anger,
Unforgiveness,
Guilt,
Shame,
Heartache.
Maybe it has to do with...
Your past,
Future,
Marriage,
Children,
Loss,
Sin.
I've dealt with all these things in my life, like most people.
And it's time to wrestle with God about somethings.

A lot of things in my life need to change.
I believe, though, for me, that change starts when I go to Him and offer my heart.
Next week I'm going to aim to start getting up at 6:30...
And spending time with Him before the kids wake.
This will be extremely tough for me because honestly, I'm exhausted,
But I need this time with Him.
I need to wrestle with Him.
I need to find my strength and rest in Him!

Change

"Seasons change" on pinterest via revelement.

I've been thinking about change a lot lately. 

Life is full of change and as much as we don't want it to happen, sometimes, we can't stop it.

Change is life. 

I've been thinking about all the ways life could change and its a lot.

My life could be completely changed tomorrow because I am in no way in control.

God is though and the changes He brings about will be right because He is right.

Dreams could come true or they couldn't. They could change too.

We could be here tomorrow or we could not be. 

Having a little girl in a few months will completely change things. 

That change freaks me out a bit, but I know that it will be an amazing change, even if its hard. 

"Change is good" on pinterest via tumblr.

I've been thinking a lot about all things I feel should change and all I want to change. 

I've been going through the devotional Soul Detox with the community on twitter 

and have realized how much God wants me to change in my relationship with Him, 

but also how He wants me to change when it comes to toxic thoughts and words in my life. 

For the first time in a long time... I couldn't even tell you how long...I'm reading the Bible daily

and am excited to do so! 

This, readers, is a good change! 

One of the best changes I could ever make.

This Bible study has made me realize how important my thoughts 

and words are not only for me, but for others in my life as well! 

If I change those things into healthy things, into life-giving things, things will change for the better.

Then, there's other things I want to change...

My parenting... how I discipline my son and how I'll discipline my daughter as well.

How I love them and spend time with them.

How I am a mother to them. 

My relationship with my husband. I want it to change and grow, like its suppose to.

I want my words and actions towards him to change, to be better.

I want to build him up and speak more kindly to him. 

I want to pull down the walls around my heart. I want to let people in. I want to trust people. 

"Change your world" on pinterest via the wellness warrior.

I want so much change in my life, which I think is a good thing because life is suppose to change.

I want my life to change the way God wants it to change. 

I know if I follow Him and allow the change He wants, work hard at it, then my world will change.

Life will be better. 

Change is hard. I fight it sometimes. I refuse it sometimes. 

With God's help, I hope I can change that too. 

What are some things in your life you'd like to change? How do you deal with change? 

Have any thoughts on the topic? These are just a few things that have been on my mind!

I'd love to hear what's on yours! =)