My tattoo

I got this tattoo six years ago.
I never thought I'd get a tattoo,
but there's meaning and purpose behind this cross on my wrist.

I've written about it before, in sharing about my struggle with depression and cutting.
For so long I struggled with that, wanting to hurt myself...
because I wanted to feel something other than the pain in my heart.
In order to do so I often used a razor blade, but you know what?
That never helped. Not in the long run anyway.
It was never enough to make the pain go away.
Really, it was only enough to make me pick up the razor again,
to feel the pain somewhere else, for just a bit.
But the cross, the cross was always meant to help.
Not just on my wrist, but from the time Jesus was put on the cross, and before then...
when His Father decided that He was going to give His one and only son for us
(for me! for you! for everyone!).

I decided to put that reminder on my wrist,
in hopes that instead of using the razor blade, I would turn to Jesus.
I hoped that I would see the cross and have the strength to not hurt myself.
To remember that I was loved by Jesus.
To remember that nothing was to awful that He wouldn't be there.
To remember that there was hope, there was always hope.

Can I be honest though?
It didn't always work.
At times even though I saw the cross, I ignored it.
That's not so different from the other times I've ignored the cross, ignored Him.
I've done that a lot in my life and that makes my heart ache.
I haven't hurt myself in a while and I fully believe it's because I know that there is hope.
Life is hard, oh so hard sometimes, but the hope isn't outweighed by it.
Jesus is always bigger than the hard things.
Jesus is always bigger than the pain.

This tattoo of mine, sometimes it can be hard to look at it.
It reminds me of my past that still hurts, but that isn't always a bad thing.
It's good to remember where I've been and where I am.
All of those places, all of those heartaches, Jesus was with me every inch of the way.
My tattoo will alway remind me these things,
but it also will always remind me that there is always hope!

Do you have any tattoos?

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