Worry & Adjustment

Pregnancy brings a lot of worry for me. 

Worry about the baby growing inside of me. 

Is she growing okay? Is she getting what she needs from me? 

Worry about my body. 

Am I gaining too much weight? Will I be able to lose it? 

Worry about my husband and I being able to parent another child. 

Can we do three? Will we go completely crazy and lose our minds? 

And worry about these two who have already blessed us. 

How will they handle their new sister? Will they adjust well? 

I think all these questions are normal. 

Actually, I should say, I know they are… 

because they pop into my head every time we're expecting a new little one. 

Knowing these questions are completely normal 

and even really knowing the answers in my heart, 

doesn't make the worry disappear. 

Especially when it comes to these two pieces of my heart. 

Adjustment is what I worry about the most. 

I remember being in the hospital after having Maeva…

Braden came to visit and I wanted him to come to me. 

He refused and I burst into tears. 

It hurt my heart so much that my little boy did not want to come to me. 

Then, our first night home (after leaving him with my mom for three days) he cried in his room.

That night we all slept in our bed. 

But after that he seemed to adjust well. 

He loved on his little sister and I know without a doubt, 

that even though he acts like a crazy person with her at times, he loves her so much! 

But I worry about how he'll react to another baby. 

Sometimes he acknowledges that we're having another baby,

but other times he promptly puts his hands over his ears, shakes his head and says, "NO!" 

whenever we bring baby Sutton up. 

Really though I worry about little miss Maeva much more. 

She's a mama's girl. Always wanting me. 

Hold me. Carry me. Let me sit on your lap. 

Let me crawl on you. Sit on the floor with me. 

And if you don't…. SCREAM!!! 

Even as I started writing this post she started screaming and crying. 

It's not fussing or whining…. 

its shrieking and making you feel like you want to rip your ears off your head! 

I worry that she won't handle Sutton well. 

She won't get mama all the time. I won't be able to hold just her. 

I won't be able to carry her and she definitely won't be able to climb all over me after the c-section. 

She's going to freak out. Her dada and I both know it. 

I just hope the screaming and fit throwing isn't worse than it is now. 

I do not even think that's possible! Lord help us if it is! 

The truth is though, that I know adjustment has to happen and it will be hard. 

Maybe it will be harder than I think. 

Maybe the kiddos will surprise me and it will be smooth sailing. 

Either way though, it will be okay. 

Having another sibling doesn't mean their world is going to end. 

I'm holding onto that truth. 

It will be okay.

And eventually it will be more than okay… 

it will be GREAT because there will be lots of love!