Friday, May 17, 2013

Our Story: Part 3

Part 1---> here
Part 2 ---> here


The last our story post I left you with the story of our first "date",
which we said wasn't a date whatsoever.
I rushed off quickly from our first time together because my heart was scared.
As I left I recall thinking that was the end of that.
I didn't want to get close to a guy, I didn't want to be in a relationship.
Why would I let things continue?
Well, truthfully it didn't feel like my heart or James was giving me much of a choice.

James and I talked soon after that and hung out a ton.
Lots of times after he got off work,
he'd come over to my parents house and we'd hang out.
Often we went on walks around my neighborhood, just talking, for hours.
I shared a lot with him about my life and my heart.
Mostly I talked about college and how much of a struggle it was for me.
I confided in him that I was in a bad relationship in college
and how I was still a mess from it.
At times, even today, I think I shared too much of that, too quickly.
He listened well and was really understanding.

James was not hesitant at all to let me know that he wanted to date me.
He has never been the hesitant type at all, when it comes to us.
He's bold and he knows what he wants.
He isn't afraid to share that.
Truthfully, this scared me.
I'm sure when he told me this my eyes popped out of my head in fear!
I know the words, "You're crazy!" also popped out of my mouth!
I put up walls quickly with him.
I told him multiply times that I wasn't going to date him.
I told him we could only be friends.
I even told him I was going to move three hours away.
Still he was persistent. Still here was there listening and waiting.

One thing I always wanted to make sure of when it came to having a relationship,
was that the guy had a strong relationship with Christ.
Right away, even before we started talking he knew I was a Christian.
I made that obvious then and even after we started hanging out.
However, when we hung out that was a topic I tried to stay away from.
I would talk about Jesus,
but not too much because I felt like that was an intimate thing.
I didn't want to talk about Jesus or read the Bible with James because that,
in my eyes, meant we were getting too close.
That was exactly what I wanted to avoid.

I tried to avoid so much at this point in our relationship because I was still hurt.
I remember right before graduating from college,
telling a friend, I was done with guys.
There were none out there that could be trusted. They were all evil.
It makes me sad that I thought that because it's not true.
That's how hurt and broken I was though.

Even though I threw up wall after wall, James still wanted to be with me.
Even after I told him I was a mess and couldn't be his friend.
Even after I told him over and over I was never going to date him.
Even after I told him he was crazy.
Even after we kissed and I turned to him, looked into his eyes and said,
"You know we still can't be together, right?"

.....More next week!

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