I've realized lately that I struggle with perfection.
I'm sure it doesn't seem that way,
not if you look around me, but it's rooted in my heart.
(I'm sure you may even be able to see that in my words, here).
I want to be perfect, but I'm not. Not even close.
I struggle with this and it makes my heart ache.
I want to be good at everything and since I'm not I often feel like a failure.
I've somehow come to believe that if I'm not perfect at every thing then I am not good enough.
The apartment has to be spick and span with everything in it's place or I have failed.
I constantly have to be doing things with the kids or I have failed.
I must be nicely dressed with my hair and make-up done or I have failed.
I can't eat junk for or I have failed.
I can never be upset with anyone or I have failed.
Really, the list goes on and on.
I didn't realize until recently how much this lie,
that I must be perfect, has overtaken my life.
It am constantly feeling like a failure because those things don't always happen.
I'm tired of these thoughts running my life and making me feel bad about myself.
I need to work on giving myself grace.
It's daily struggle because it's something I just can't get my mind around.
I just have to remind myself that it's okay... I'm okay.
It is not a big deal that the apartment is a bit messy,
That I take a break and am not always doing things with the kids,
That I wear yoga pants and have hair in a pony tail,
That I ate way too much trail mix.
All those things are okay and I need to tell myself that.
God doesn't call us to perfection, He calls us to give grace.
Even to ourselves.
I need to remember this. I hope you remember it too because grace can be so hard!