Its been rough here lately.
I've backed away from being super honest in my writing.
I used to be... without being scared, without being ashamed or sorry for my words...
Yet, I have others to think about when it comes to what I write about.
So I don't lay it all out there. But today, I need to write more openly.
Its been really hard here, lately. If you follow me on twitter you know I've been struggling.
I appreciate all the nice comments and uplifting words.
It truly does my heart good and helps me get through the day!
My heart has felt broken a lot lately...
And I've felt as if I am reaching my breaking point of, I just can't do this anymore!
There is a lot that goes into why. Some I can talk about, some I can't.A lot of my emotions, I am sure, have to do with the fact that I am a mom of 2 under 2.
A toddler + an (almost) one month old are hard to handle, most of the time.
I love them both dearly, but my patience gets tested a lot.
Its hard to handle the pretty much constant crying and whining all day long.
Not to mention I can't put Maeva down for a second (unless she's asleep) or she will cry.
I don't want to complain about it, but it really, is the hardest job ever!
And in all honestly, I'm tired of hearing people say, "Oh, having kids is such a blessing."
Yes, it is, I won't deny it, but you know what?
Some days all I want to hear is the truth.
That sometimes parenting feels awful and (dare I say it) sucks.
It doesn't help that I feel like a failure as a mom.
People tell me I'm not, but that doesn't take away from feeling that way.
I struggle to discipline and that, I feel, has really bitten me in the butt.
Its hard to know how to discipline Braden.
I've had a few people tell me that he's too young, that he doesn't understand or know better.
I don't really believe that because I've seen him "know better", but I struggle in finding what discipline actually works for us.
I usually get so frustrated that I end up talking to harshly/yelling
Or giving him a pop on the bottom.
I hate both those things and they don't seem to work anyway.
I know part of it is that things aren't very structured...
As in he does what he wants a lot of the time and I'm clueless as what to do with him.
He plays with his cars A LOT, I read to him, and he watches too much tv because its easy.
Those things make me feel like a huge failure because I know I should be doing more with him.
I should be teaching him things, but I don't feel smart enough to know how.
I need to work on all these things, but some times it really feels hopeless.
Especially when I feel like I'm about to lose it taking care of two.
Part of me doesn't understand how other mother's do it.
They make it look so easy and effortless. Which I know is a lie, but still...
So, tell me, mama's, how do you do it?
Oh, Kassie. Hang in there, mama. YOU ARE DOING A GREAT JOB. No, it's not easy. No, it's not always fun. Yes, it will get better. I promise. I promise time three, because I've been there times three.
ReplyDeleteAs far as Maeva crying... just let her sometimes. She'll be ok. She really will. You can go put her in her crib/bassinet, shut the door and let her cry for 10 minutes. You will not scar her for life, and your poor ears will get a rest.
As far as Braden, he's still little. Please do not worry about "teaching him". Little ones learn on their own. It's true. Just, let him get into things. Let him explore. Make him sensory bins. This will distract him for a while, while giving him a fun learning activity that you don't have to be a constant part of.
In the way of discipline, I would recommend the "Love & Logic" approach. You can learn about that here:
http://www.loveandlogic.com/
You can do it lady :) You are such a sweet momma and it's apparent <3 It's just a rough patch that you're going through i'm sure, however I wouldn't be able to tell you this through experience because I haven't started the baby making stage of my life yet. What I do know is that my mom raised two of us who are exactly a year and 9 months apart and we turned out just fine :) Hang in there and remember God doesn't give us more than we can handle!
ReplyDeleteOh Kassie, you are a good Mama! I feel like a failure more than half the time...my kids watch too much tv, they get pb&j's a lot, they read by themselves a lot...I yell, I spank..YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
ReplyDeleteI also love "Love & Logic" for discipline.
And dealing with a crying baby...I had to let mine cry for a while. Babies cry. We have to realize this. 10 minutes is NOT going to scar her for life. And over half the time, Coco put himself to sleep in those 10 minutes and ended up sleeping way better through the night. You are not hurting her by letting her cry for a while. It's a true sanity saver.
You can do this. You can do this. You can do this.
"those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Is 40:31
Press into God. Take His yoke. I want to give up parenting every single day, and I cry to God that this is too hard. Even with 2 I did. But God can give you the strength when nothing else can. I LOVE YOU.
As I was reading your post I thought to myself, "Is she talking about herself, or interviewing me last week?!" You are so right...being a mom SUCKS sometimes! I know you feel like a failure right now (I often do, too), but if it's any comfort, the fact that you are worried about being a good mother PROVES you are a good mother!! (I know, that sounds weird) If you just didn't care, or didn't have that desire to *be* a better mother, then you would be much worse off.
ReplyDeleteHaving a newborn is tough. Just take it one day at a time, and try to do just *one* 'awesome mommy' thing a day (play a game with your toddler, or make pancakes, or go on a walk), and let the rest go. All of us are trying to be the best moms we can be, but none of us are there yet. Best of luck, and I hope your mood lightens soon!!
I won't lie- parenting is HARD no matter WHAT the ages, but that transition of one kid to two was SO tough on me. Seriously. I wanted to cry for weeks, like what did we DO? WHY did we think we could handle this?? When I started feeling guilty about not spending time with Brayden, whenever Kenley was napping, I spent time with him. I put everything else aside and focused on him. And somedays? That was all it took for BOTH of our moods to turn around. So what if we had frozen pizza that night or that the dishes in the sink were dirty? We made a memory that day and he got his one on one time back with me.
ReplyDeleteIt's tough momma. But you are doing the best you can! :) It will get better.
It is so tough and I think more people feel like this than they let on. My kids are 16 months apart and those first six months were so tough. I felt like I spent so much time crying. I felt guilty all the time. I still feel guilty and they are 2 and three now. Just remember take it day by day and if that seems unbearable go hour by hour and just get through. Some days are just gonna be like that. I know there is no simple solution or any one thing that someone can say to make you feel better but please believe me when I say we have been there too. :)
ReplyDeleteLook at all this fabulous support you have at your fingertips Kassie!
ReplyDeleteOh my word, just like all these ladies said, did you interview me yesterday? Did you read my blog right after #2 was born? Parenting is hard work and yes it does suck sometimes. Okay a lot.
ReplyDeleteI worry about the discipline, am i feeding them well enough, are they goign to need counceling when they are 9 because of my parenting?
You don't need me to sit here and tell you what to do, but what I will tell you is this:
You are doing a great job! You just gave birth, of course it's super hard now. It will get better
Try to be more structured. If you need some ideas, I will tell you what works for our family.
Set ground rules for your home. The hill you will die on. Ours is sitting down at the table until everyone is finished and coming when told.
Get on pinterest and search "toddler activities" Don't have time, I'll email you some that we do at home (don't be impressed, our church did a huge swap).
My girls are 11 1/2 months apart and we just celebrated birthdays' 1 and 2. I feel like we found a groove around 5 or 6 months in. So hang on and be patient.
Have some rest time tonight. Let the hubby put your toddler down and just relax!
My baby fussed constantly unless I was holding her. Can you wear her? That was such a lifesaver. I swaddled her up when she was that little and wore her. I thought my baby was too little to be worn in the Bjorn and a veteran mamma suggested swaddling. Does Maeva need mylicon?
ReplyDeleteYou're not failing on the toddler either... he's just little. It'll be ok!
I completely understand. My second was born in January and even though my first was almost three, it was still REALLY hard. I cried a lot. Called my mom a lot. I felt guilty because he was colicky and I was sad and my oldest was watching a lot of TV and not doing crafty things all day like many of these moms you see all over the internet. Like the person above me, wearing Jonas became a lifesaver. My mom bought me a Moby wrap and I wore that pretty much the entire second and third months of his life. Gripe water also helped, though I discovered it a little too late. What also helped me a lot was getting out of the house. I realize that sounds counterintuitive since it takes a million years to get ready to leave the house with two small kids, but just breathing fresh air, walking around, seeing people at the mall - it was more refreshing than feeling enclosed by the four walls of my house. Lastly, getting into a routine...day time, bed time, etc. It helped structure my day when I felt like things were out of my control.
ReplyDeleteI hope things are slowly getting better. I promise you, it will turn around one day, things will get easier and you won't have even realized it.
I did the same thing, except my child was a little older when our second was born.. Hannah was four months shy of 5 when Maddie was born, and even though she was older, it was still hard because she WAS able to understand why I couldn't play with her, and even though she never showed it, I'm sure she was extremely jealous of her sister and was disappointed in who mommy had become. I know you said that you don't feel comfortable physically disciplining Braden, but I read an amazing article the other day and I think it would benefit you greatly.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.raisinggodlychildren.org/2012/10/the-biblical-approach-to-spanking.html
Maddie is now 18 months old and I still feel like things are horribly out of my control most of the time, but things are better than they used to be.. it is going to take more time than you want it to but it will get better. Put your hope in the Lord. This might not be what you want to hear, but this is only happening for your benefit. He's trying to teach you something. I will be praying for you and I hope you can find some peace.
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