Its been rough here lately.
I've backed away from being super honest in my writing.
I used to be... without being scared, without being ashamed or sorry for my words...
Yet, I have others to think about when it comes to what I write about.
So I don't lay it all out there. But today, I need to write more openly.
Its been really hard here, lately. If you follow me on twitter you know I've been struggling.
I appreciate all the nice comments and uplifting words.
It truly does my heart good and helps me get through the day!
My heart has felt broken a lot lately...
And I've felt as if I am reaching my breaking point of, I just can't do this anymore!There is a lot that goes into why. Some I can talk about, some I can't.
A lot of my emotions, I am sure, have to do with the fact that I am a mom of 2 under 2.
A toddler + an (almost) one month old are hard to handle, most of the time.
I love them both dearly, but my patience gets tested a lot.
Its hard to handle the pretty much constant crying and whining all day long.
Not to mention I can't put Maeva down for a second (unless she's asleep) or she will cry.
I don't want to complain about it, but it really, is the hardest job ever!
And in all honestly, I'm tired of hearing people say, "Oh, having kids is such a blessing."
Yes, it is, I won't deny it, but you know what?
Some days all I want to hear is the truth.
That sometimes parenting feels awful and (dare I say it) sucks.
It doesn't help that I feel like a failure as a mom.
People tell me I'm not, but that doesn't take away from feeling that way.
I struggle to discipline and that, I feel, has really bitten me in the butt.
Its hard to know how to discipline Braden.
I've had a few people tell me that he's too young, that he doesn't understand or know better.
I don't really believe that because I've seen him "know better", but I struggle in finding what discipline actually works for us.
I usually get so frustrated that I end up talking to harshly/yelling
Or giving him a pop on the bottom.
I hate both those things and they don't seem to work anyway.
I know part of it is that things aren't very structured...
As in he does what he wants a lot of the time and I'm clueless as what to do with him.
He plays with his cars A LOT, I read to him, and he watches too much tv because its easy.
Those things make me feel like a huge failure because I know I should be doing more with him.
I should be teaching him things, but I don't feel smart enough to know how.
I need to work on all these things, but some times it really feels hopeless.
Especially when I feel like I'm about to lose it taking care of two.
Part of me doesn't understand how other mother's do it.
They make it look so easy and effortless. Which I know is a lie, but still...
So, tell me, mama's, how do you do it?