I've written in multiple times already and I probably will write it again, but being apart of She Reads Truth has been one of the best things for my walk with God. Its so nice to fill myself up with the word of God a daily basis and be uplifted by it! I love the accountability in it even if it is just over the internet and I also love the conviction that I get from reading the word of God.
I love that fact that pretty much every day I read my devotional (Living the Surrendered Life) I am convicted about something. The other day the devotional was about judgment. It said that often we judge people on their actions, but we judge ourselves by our intentions. WOW! So true and so unfair! It's so easy for us to judge, even though we really have no right to. I know I feel pretty awful when I feel judged, so why would I want to make others feel that way?
Just today I felt judged by someone in my family. I don't write a lot on here about mistakes I've made... I've shared some, but I think its okay to not go into huge detail about all the mistakes because honestly, there are some I don't like to think about and some I don't like to share. I think, also, that sometimes when sharing things, the devil can use that to attack you. I share the things I feel God is telling me to and leave out the rest, here on the blog. But I'll share this mistakes with you because really it isn't the worst one I've made.... somedays I wouldn't even call it a mistake.
I chose to go to a Christian college, which I think, was the right thing for me. I didn't make the best choices there. I made some pretty honking big mistakes in college, but others, not even knowing those mistakes, have made me feel bad about that. I chose to go there because that's where I thought God wanted me to go, where He urged me to go. However, sometimes, when I look back on it, I think I should have gone elsewhere... not only because I wouldn't have made those mistakes elsewhere (or maybe I would have -- WHO KNOWS!) but also because the education, I feel I got there, didn't do much for me. I also, looking back on things now, wish I'd chosen a different major. That last part is what came up in conversation. Sort of. The family member had told me that another family member was going to go to a different college because she wanted to take a different path (when it came to her major). I said that it was good she figured that out now. My family member responded with, "You could have made different choices, but you would have felt like a failure."
I greatly dislike the judgement I felt in that comment. I know they didn't necessarily mean it that way, but the words just tore me down. I've dealt with my past and moved on from a lot of it, but when things like that are said, I really feel punched in the stomach and just bad about myself. I feel like I have to explain things, but I know these things are all lies! The lies are the reason I wrote this post.
Judgments hurt. They do not build people up, but they tear them down. There, is no good in them, not when, its not our place. I am not my past choices. I am not my mistakes. I know that and I have to rest in that. I know a lot of people feel judged because, well, the truth is...there is a lot of
judgement, but know that the only judgement that matters is from God. Also, know that you are not your mistakes, you are not your past. What matters most in life is God and being His child.You ARE THAT, so rest in it. Do not rest in the thoughts of others because time and time again that will hurt, but if you rest in His truth, there is mercy, forgiveness and so much love.
That is what I'm reminding myself of right now. I'm also reminding myself, that for me, this has taught me something... that I don't want to be judgmental. I don't want to judge the people I am close to. I don't want to judge my husband or my children. I don't want to judge my friends or even people I don't know. I just want to love and be merciful. Lord, I ask You to help me with that and remind me to love, on a daily basis. Amen.