Fear for my son.
So far, in his almost two year old life, its only been us. Daddy, mommy, and him. He is the one who gets all of our attention, he is the one who gets all our love. He really has no idea how his life is about to completely change. I worry about how he will handle it. I've had multiple people say that its going to be awful - he's going to be so jealous and a mess. I hate that. So discouraging and not helpful to my heart at all!
They say you don't know love until you have a child. Its true - when you hear your baby for the first time, when you hold them, it feels as if your heart may just explode, with the love you are feeling. Its such an overwhelming, beautiful feeling. A gift from God. Braden has made me feel like that... from the first time I heard his cry and cried myself. To the first time I held him and he just looked at me, knowing I was his mom. To the moments where he's done something and my heart just stops in awe. He's such a sweet boy and I love him dearly.
My fear is that, when Maeva comes he won't know that. My fear is that he will forget.
I'll still give him attention, I'll still love him with all my heart. I'll still kiss him, hug him, hold him, but it won't all just be for him. Maeva will get a lot my attention... when she cries, when I need to nurse her, hold her, play with her, and on and on. It won't all just be him and mommy. I fear that he'll feel unloved then. That's my biggest fear. I'll try with all I can to show him otherwise, to have just mommy and Braden moments, to still kiss, hug, and hold him during the day. To still give him things he loves and kiss him goodnight before bed. I want both my children to know I love them the same because I do.
Giving my fear over to God. Knowing that its simply just fear that won't take control of my life and doesn't have to be true. Knowing that I have enough love in my heart to give them both.
this was a heartwarming post! i wanted to share my experience AS a sibling with you to put your mind at ease. i wanted to just say that i am the older sister. i have one brother and he was born when i was just turning four. i have no recollection of ever being jealous. he was my closest friend for most of my childhood and while, at times, we questioned if our mom was being fare, if she loved us equally, it was largely in jest. so while there may be some jealousy or unevenness between the two of the, they will never resent you for it because you gave him/her a brother/sister and that's one of the greatest and most lasting gifts you can give someone.
ReplyDeletekw
Ladies in Navy
I definitely know that he won't remember. It will probably be harder on me than on him that i can't fully focus on him all the time. Thanks for sharing your thoughts - gives me comfort! =)
Deletebless your heart. i can imagine that would be a big anxiety of mine too. we are expecting our first so of course i have zero experience with this. the only encouragement that i can offer is that you seem like a great mom and im sure you will do like most women do ... the very best you can. AND, if its any comfort, yes the love i get from my mother cannot be replaced but the love i get from and give to my siblings is amazing ... cannot imagine my life without them :)
ReplyDeleteThank you! =)
DeleteI so look forward to seeing Braden and Maeva love each other and hopefully be great friends!
Your friends are right, it's hard. It's hard to adjust to feel like YOU are being fair with your time and affection. When my youngest was first born, my oldest couldn't even walk yet, she was 11 1/2 months old. She would crawl over to the chair I was nursing sweet EK and pull up and want to be held. I learned to pull her up by one arm and use my leg so that I wouldn't worry about dislocating her arm. I learned to nurse and hold the older one at the same time. I leaned to nurse sitting on the floor and being more flexible. But here's the best part...
ReplyDeleteThe newborn sleeps ALL the time! So while you are getting use to being a momma of two, there are lots of breaks. While with your oldest, you would sleep when he slept, you will now play when the NB is sleeping. You will learn to get them to nap together so you can sleep and hopefully when your sweet hubby comes home to save the day, he will dismiss you to take a nap and hold down the chaos.
I don't we don't know each other, but trust me when I tell you... If I can do, anyone can do it!!
I think I've forgotten how much newborns sleep! Thanks for reminding me! =)
DeleteMakes me feel better! Hopefully I can get them to sleep at the same time because I will need some down time for sure. I'm definitely thankful for a helpful husband!
This is a sweet post, too! I think I'll have the same fears when I get pregnant with #2! #1 is my whole world now!
ReplyDeleteIt's tough isn't it? I'm trying to not let my fears get the best of me! =)
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