I'm a worrier. I always have been, but most of my life the things I've worried about have been me focused. I worried about my heart when it was broken and if the tears would ever stop, if I'd ever feel whole again. I worried about friendships and whether I was being the friend I should be. I worried about college and what I'd do afterwards. Not that I didn't worry about other people... I have, to the point where its made me sick, but mostly I was focused on my life and how I was feeling about whatever was going on. But that changed. You know when? When I became a mother... when I had my son growing inside of me...that is when the worry shifted from me to him.
The worry is still there. I'm sure that it will be there for a long time because I'll always be a mother and isn't that what comes along with motherhood? Watching your child at the park worrying that he's going to fall and hurt himself, worry that he isn't eating enough, worrying that the diaper rash will never go away, sleepless nights just worrying. Soon enough I'll have two little ones to worry about, but my worry right now is focused on my son.
When this little one comes into the world, what about him?
I love him so much. How could I love another as much? Will I have enough to give?
I know its silly because of course, the answer is, there is enough love. I will have enough.
I'm worrying just like every other mama who is expecting there second baby.
That gives me comfort, but still I wonder...
Will I get to hold him just as much?
Will there be time to play with him and enjoy him?
Will I take the time to look at him and still see the joy?
Or will I just have to focus on the new baby?
Because I want that and I look forward to it.
I'm so excited for the baby...so so excited.
Yet, I want to still experience my son as much as I am now.
I know its just worry... that things will be different, but still good.
I know that I need to trust God.
He's given me Braden to love and He's giving me this one to love as well.
It will all be okay simply because of that.
God is in this.
God, thank You for giving me my family and these babies.They are wonderful.
I know You know the future and all that it will be, so please let me find peace in that.