The other morning I woke up at 5:30 and couldn't fall back to sleep.
I started thinking about the little one growing in me and how this pregnancy was going to go.
Considering I've been pregnant before I started thinking about that pregnancy and started remembering birthing Braden.
Two nights before Braden was born we'd made our way to the hospital thinking it was time.
I was so unaware of what contractions were. I thought I was having them, but they weren't really painful. They checked to see how far dilated I was, but it wasn't much, so they sent us home. I cried that night, but not because I wanted to be done being pregnant (which by that point I was tired of feeling so huge), but because I just wanted to meet him. My heart wanted my little boy.
The next day I had an appointment with my doctor and because his due date had come and passed we made the decision for me to be induced by the end of the week. I was happy for that because I knew he'd be here by then. I'd get to see my baby. But God and my baby had other plans. That night we made our back to the hospital and I was admitted because of how far dilated I was.
Nothing happened all night long... I laid in the hospital waiting until the morning when they decided to induce me if things didn't get moving along. 7 am came with me getting an hour of sleep because I was just so excited and so nervous! They induced me and for the longest time I felt nothing. I was having contractions, but they weren't strong. My doctor had to break my water and soon enough the contractions started. For a while, I fought my way through them... looking to my husband for comfort, breathing, and praying. Then, I got to the point where I couldn't take it anymore. They hurt so bad and breathing wasn't happening. I could only clench my jaw and squeeze my husband's hand.
I finally asked for the epidural. They sat me up and the worst of it hit me. My whole body tensed and shook. I started dry heaving and wondered how in the world I was going to stay still enough for them to actually give me the epideral. But I did it and there was relief. I laid back down and fell asleep. I was so out of it...partly from not getting any sleep and also because of the medicine. I slept for a while, but then all of a sudden pain down my left side... somehow the epideral had worn off just on that side. It hurt so bad and I asked my husband to help, please help. They gave me another dose, but it didn't do anything. We waited a bit longer... the doctor always checking on me to see how I was coming along. Braden wasn't moving though. His chin was facing my back and he was stuck even though the contractions were strong enough to be pushing him down. At that point we decided it was time for a c-section.
I'd gone into the hospital thinking I'd have a natural birth, thinking I surely wouldn't have a c-section, but things changed. As they wheeled me into the operating room to perform my c-section I felt another wave of unbelievable pain and sickness. My doctor told me I had to stay still, but I couldn't. I dry heaved about 6 times, water coming up, but finally forced myself to stop. I had to stop...my baby was almost here. The doctor gave me medicine for the c-section and within matters of seconds my whole body was numb. I remember thinking to myself, "This is what normal feels like. I feel so much better." I laid there, waiting, and then I heard his little cry. I'd never heard something so beautiful. A tear slide down my chin and then I saw him and he was the most beautiful thing ever and I loved him so much.
I fell in love with my husband all over again during this time because he was so much help. Just what I needed. And the love I felt for my son was more than I ever could have imagined.
I know that this pregnancy will be different as will giving birth to this baby because its just going to be a straight c-section, but I look forward to it just as much!