Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Lessons on anger

This weeks prompt for blogging outside the box is to write about something you know, to teach. 
This was something rather difficult for me because sometimes I feel like I don't know a thing. 
However, thats not the truth, but the truth is that writing about something I know, something I've learned is hard because it means I have to put myself out there and I haven't completely done that. 
But I want to be more like that. I want to be more honest and open here. I admire bloggers who do that because I think, honesty, is what teaches. Bear with me, as I try to write honestly here.

Over the past few years, I'd say since the beginning of college, I've learned a thing or two about anger. 
My parents always told me I had an anger problem, which I never really believed until years later, but the anger I felt during college and even after, was a bit strong. I'd never felt an anger so strong.
I don't mean angry for a second, a day, or even a week. I mean angry for months, angry for years.

I've been there.
I've been so angry towards people because I felt wronged by them, hurt by them, betrayed by them.
I've been so angry that my thoughts towards people have been horrid. I won't put them into words because they are that bad, but I know that I'm more than likely not the only one who has had such bad thoughts towards others.
I've been so angry that I've cried... and not little tears, but laid in bed and sobbed because I was so angry and unsure of what to do with that anger.
I've been so angry that I've felt as if the anger was going to tear through my heart and out of my body.
I've been so angry that I've punched and hit things as hard as I possibly could.
I've been so angry that I've felt completely consumed by it.

I've found myself in that place a few times. But God has been good to me and has made it so I haven't felt that type of many anger many times in my life. I am so thankful for that because being that angry and having to live that way would be so awful. Feeling such anger, which for a long time led to hatred is one of the worst feelings I've ever felt, but through it, I learned.

I learned that if you let it, it can destroy you. It can eat you from the inside out.
I learned that you cannot control others and what they do, but you can control you.
I learned that anger is not from God. Seems like a silly thing to have to learn, but if you've ever been that angry, you have to talk truth to yourself... you have to convince yourself that those feelings aren't from God, but from satan.
I've learned that anger and hatred do no good for anyone. Being the one who is angry, you may feel powerful with that anger, but really, its hurting you more than anyone.
I've learned that letting go of the anger sets you free.
But you know the biggest thing I learned?
I learned to cry out to God. I learned to pray. I learned to draw closer to Him.
And that was the best lesson... and if I had to be that angry to learn how to do those things, then there was good from it. 

::photos via pinterest::

1 comment:

  1. Absolutely beautiful hon! You said it SO perfectly, when you said something like "You know what I learned most? to pray, to go to God, to grow in God etc..." YES, that is the whole journey, ...seeing and being AWARE of what doesn't align with God and His Kingdom, and finding out why it's there--digging deeper and being refined and maturing, YES! I loved your vulnerability here and honesty, it is so precious to see.
    I had a rage problem for years, my anger turned into's so hard! I did a lot of reading on Co-Dependency, which I plan on blogging about someday!
    Thank you for sharing sweetie....


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