A lot of conviction, guilt, and yuck.
But there has also been good things like joy and happiness.
Today I woke up with a lot bothering me, so I thought I'd try to write a bit out, here.
One thing I've been struggling with for a bit is comparing myself to others.
I think thats something I've done every once in a while,
but right now it seems to be a pretty big deal, a daily thing.
I've been comparing my pregnancy body to other women's.
"She isn't as big as me."
"She is so tiny."
"She looks good."
The thing is this is my second pregnancy and I didn't really lose any weight until I got pregnant.
I knew I'd be be bigger because of those two things.
I also know though, that these negative, comparing thoughts, aren't right.
Some days I look at myself and think I'm not so big.
So what if I was? Every woman's pregnancy is different. Second pregnancies are different!
I do not look bad. Some days I may not feel the greatest about my outer appearance, but thankfully my husband thinks otherwise and tells me often. Thank you James!
Another area I've been comparing myself is in motherhood. I've been doubting myself.
I think maybe its part of our sweet little Maeva coming in 59 days
and questioning whether I can be a mom of two!
Which I know, by the way, that I can because God is making it happen
and He will not give me anything I cannot handle!
Two babies to love and have... what a blessing!
Comparing myself in this area is really bothering my heart.
I see or hear about a friends child do this or that
and then my mind automatically goes to, "well, how come Braden isn't doing that?"
"Why isn't Braden saying any numbers or letters?""Why doesn't he play this way or that way?"
"Should he be doing that?"
The questions in my mind go on and on. It seems like I'm comparing my son AND I do not want to do that! Braden is his own person and he plays the way he wants. He is smart. He is learning.
I find myself wondering if I'm doing enough with him. Enough reading? Playing enough? On and on it goes. The truth is no, in some areas I am not doing as much as I should be, but I am not an awful mother. I am a good mom. I do my best and I love him dearly.
Comparing myself and my mothering to others has taught me a few things.
Mostly, really, that it is a bad idea. It puts me in a bad mood and takes away joy.
I don't need to do it! It is not healthy!
God made me who He made me for a reason. I can be no one else and no one else can be me.
He loves me for me. I need to rest in those things.Help me to rest in those things, Lord. Give me peace. Help me to love.
One thing that I've been extremely thankful for is being apart of She Reads Truth.
Getting into the word everyday has been so uplifting to me!
So encouraging! Exactly what I've needed!
I really can't explain how great it has been!
On my heart lately...
(ever since I watched a video on youtube about hell) has been the question, "what is enough?"
"Is it enough to just read His word? To pray?"
"Is it enough to be saved? And how do I know I really am?"
"Is this person in my life saved?""Is this person going to heaven or hell?"
A lot of questions that are overwhelming my heart and scaring me a bit too.
But I'm coming back to the verse in 2 Timothy.
"The Lord KNOWS those who are His."
He knows me. He knows that I am His. He knows about the people in my life too.
I know that if I rest in His truth, in these words, they will help my heart.
That is what they do!
What's on your heart? Anything been overwhelming it lately?
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