I've been devouring Karen Kingsbury books lately. She's my favorite author.
So good with words about having a relationship with God and relationships in general.
As I was reading her book Take Three I came across some words I wanted to share.
Words about living for God.
During the part of the novel a main character in the book was listening to a radio station and this is what was said about living for God: "That means you take a hard look at what drives you. If it's your wife and kids, you're out of alignment with God...if it's your promotion at the office, you're off base. It it's the climb to get ahead of the park, your priorities are askew.... Living for God means waking every day with the same question in mind: How can I get through the next twelve hours in God's power, accomplishing His purposes, and concerned only about pleasing him?"
Those words are ones I read that convict me, that smack me in the face. What drives me? I hate to admit it, but honestly I'm unsure. Most of the time selfishness. Other times it is my husband and son. Sometimes its passion for photography, writing, or blogging. Often its about keeping up the appearance that everything is fine and dandy in my life when in fact it isn't.
But is it God? As I write this I have tears in my eyes because I know the answer. The reason I was convicted, the reason I felt slapped in the face is because I rarely find God being the one who drives me. Its not His fault, of course because He is there...waiting to be the one who drives me, waiting to be the one I live for.
So why is He not the one I let drive me? Why don't I live for Him? I'm too busy. I'm too tired. I get bored by it all sometimes...especially when it comes to reading His words (but other times I do find peace in it). Mostly though...its fear. So much fear. And selfishness of course because I want to do what I want, what I'm comfortable with.
It all gets old though. It gets old and tiring knowing in your mind and heart what you are supposed to be doing. It gets hard fighting God and knowing that He is telling you to live for Him. It gets old and hard because when you don't those things your heart isn't right...its a bit broken.
That's how I feel lately...a bit broken.
God, help me to live for You. That's what I want to fully do.