Fear for my son.
So far, in his almost two year old life, its only been us. Daddy, mommy, and him. He is the one who gets all of our attention, he is the one who gets all our love. He really has no idea how his life is about to completely change. I worry about how he will handle it. I've had multiple people say that its going to be awful - he's going to be so jealous and a mess. I hate that. So discouraging and not helpful to my heart at all!
They say you don't know love until you have a child. Its true - when you hear your baby for the first time, when you hold them, it feels as if your heart may just explode, with the love you are feeling. Its such an overwhelming, beautiful feeling. A gift from God. Braden has made me feel like that... from the first time I heard his cry and cried myself. To the first time I held him and he just looked at me, knowing I was his mom. To the moments where he's done something and my heart just stops in awe. He's such a sweet boy and I love him dearly.
My fear is that, when Maeva comes he won't know that. My fear is that he will forget.
I'll still give him attention, I'll still love him with all my heart. I'll still kiss him, hug him, hold him, but it won't all just be for him. Maeva will get a lot my attention... when she cries, when I need to nurse her, hold her, play with her, and on and on. It won't all just be him and mommy. I fear that he'll feel unloved then. That's my biggest fear. I'll try with all I can to show him otherwise, to have just mommy and Braden moments, to still kiss, hug, and hold him during the day. To still give him things he loves and kiss him goodnight before bed. I want both my children to know I love them the same because I do.
Giving my fear over to God. Knowing that its simply just fear that won't take control of my life and doesn't have to be true. Knowing that I have enough love in my heart to give them both.
