The honest truth

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I've written about my struggle a bit in having a relationship with Christ. Its not that I don't have a relationship with Him. I do believe in Him and I do talk to Him. I even read scripture every once in a while, but I know, in my heart that the relationship is nowhere close to where it should be. I know that things need to change. The issue though, is that I am the one that has to do the changing. How often do I place the blame elsewhere? 

The place I put the biggest blame is on time. I simply don't have the time, I say, but I have to make time.

Just like I make time for my husband, son, other family members and friends... I have to make time for Jesus. Yet, again the excuses come... I need to do this and I need to do that. The truth is though - that I NEED to spend time with Jesus. "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me (John14:6)."Without spending time with Him and focusing on my relationship with Him I forget the way, I get blinded by lies and don't see the truth, and life really becomes meaningless. 

The biggest thing however, the reason I know I need to change things is because of how my life, spirit, and heart feel. I feel down. I feel stressed. I feel miserable. Life really feels like its falling apart lately. I read recently that a person's whose Bible is falling apart more than likely probably has a life that isn't falling apart. That got to my heart and I know myself...I know that reading His word is what I need to do because that is when I feel the best. That is when I feel most encouraged, when I feel less stressed, and when I'm all around more happy. Its also when I feel like life is going well.

But I still don't read even though I know that. I place more blame. I blame others by saying they aren't leading or giving me what I need. I've been convicted of that too, though. The truth is that my relationship is between me and God. I've always believed that a person's relationship with God is just between them and God. So why do I blame? Because its easy. Because it takes the pressure off of me. But its no one else's fault. Its all on me. I cannot blame my lack of relationship on anyone else.

God, I know changes need to be made. I'm so glad that You don't do guilt, but that you just nudge the heart and show me what I need to do. Help me make the changes I need to and help me to help others as well. Only You can help me.

Tough stuff

Black tank: Walmart. Purple tank: Delias. Skirt: Kohls. Flip flops: Do you really care? 

Relationships are hard. At least the deep, real ones are. I think some people are better at have relationships with people, while others have to work at it. I'm definitely the later. 

I love relationships, I do, but they are also hard for me to have. I really struggle with being open about what goes on, not only in my life, but also what goes on in my heart and my head.  I wouldn't say I struggle with honesty, but I would say it takes a lot to get me to the point where I'm going to spill whats going on in my life. I don't think thats necessarily a bad thing, but its not always good either. 

We all need those relationships that we put our hearts into. We need those relationships where we can open up and not be afraid of the others thoughts because we know we can trust them. Thats the thing it comes down to -- Trust. That's so hard for me, but I want to get better at it. I want to trust more and be better at having deeper relationships. It will take a lot of work, a lot of putting my fear aside, and taking a huge leap! 

Do you ever struggle with this? How you overcome it? Any words of wisdom.

I am so thankful for a God who knows all. My relationships with Him, of course takes work as well, but I cannot hide anything from Him! He knows my heart, my soul, my mind. Such a relief!