Philippians 4:5

I'm currently reading a series by Karen Kingsbury.
She is my favorite Christian Author because of the truth I see in her characters.
I can relate to them and by reading her stories about them, I've grown to love the characters and can find myself in them.

The current series I am reading is the Bailey Flanigan Series, which I highly recommend.
Bailey is the type of girl I wish I was growing up - strong in her faith.
She guards her heart with prayer and scripture. I wish I was more like that.
It is the type of woman I want to be and the type of woman I believe God wants me to be.

In the book that I am currently reading there is a moment that Bailey is struggling with hurt from someone important. She is reading her Bible during that time and a piece of scripture jumps out at her. It  said, "Let your gentleness be evident to all." I've read this passage many times in the Bible, but this hit me hard.

God expects me to be gentle.
He expects it to be seen by people, for us to let people see it.
Gah! Can I just say that's really hard for a person, who isn't gentle, to read?
There are moments when I am gentle yes, but there are also many moments when I'm not.
But God wants me to be.

He wants me to be gentle with my son when he is throwing a tantrum for no reason.
He wants to be to be gentle when speaking to my husband.
He wants me to be gentle when I disagree with people.
He wants me to be gentle when I am so angry I can hardly contain it.
He wants me to be gentle and be kind.
He wants me to be gentle and forgive.
He wants me to be gentle and love.
He wants me to be gentle with myself.
He wants me to be gentle always.

Oh, how hard it is to be gentle when things aren't going your way.
Or when others aren't being gentle with you!
But that's the type of woman I want to be, so its something to work on.

God, I know
You want me to work on gentleness.
Help me to be gentle with others (and myself) like You are with me.
Amen.

Learning about the second bump

I'm learning somethings this pregnancy. 

I'm learning that every pregnancy is different (I already knew this, really, but its being confirmed).

I'm learning that ...

The second time around the your bump appears faster. I totally didn't expect to look 5 months pregnant at 9 weeks. I'm trying to be okay with that. 

Morning sickness can last all day, everyday. 

Ones bladder is way weaker the second time. I can only imagine how often I'm going to have to go to the bathroom as this baby grows. 

Being pregnant when you have a toddler is exhausting. Props to the moms who have more than 1 and are pregnant. Not sure how you do it. You must be super mom! 

And finally I'm learning that its just as exciting the second time around is just as exciting as the first!

I can't believe I'm going to be a mom of two! 

Two whole babies that are mine to love and squeeze.

God is so good to me. 

Lessons on anger

This weeks prompt for blogging outside the box is to write about something you know, to teach. 

This was something rather difficult for me because sometimes I feel like I don't know a thing. 

However, thats not the truth, but the truth is that writing about something I know, something I've learned is hard because it means I have to put myself out there and I haven't completely done that. 

But I want to be more like that. I want to be more honest and open here. I admire bloggers who do that because I think, honesty, is what teaches. Bear with me, as I try to write honestly here.

Over the past few years, I'd say since the beginning of college, I've learned a thing or two about anger. 

My parents always told me I had an anger problem, which I never really believed until years later, but the anger I felt during college and even after, was a bit strong. I'd never felt an anger so strong.
I don't mean angry for a second, a day, or even a week. I mean angry for months, angry for years.

I've been there.
I've been so angry towards people because I felt wronged by them, hurt by them, betrayed by them.
I've been so angry that my thoughts towards people have been horrid. I won't put them into words because they are that bad, but I know that I'm more than likely not the only one who has had such bad thoughts towards others.
I've been so angry that I've cried... and not little tears, but laid in bed and sobbed because I was so angry and unsure of what to do with that anger.
I've been so angry that I've felt as if the anger was going to tear through my heart and out of my body.
I've been so angry that I've punched and hit things as hard as I possibly could.
I've been so angry that I've felt completely consumed by it.

I've found myself in that place a few times. But God has been good to me and has made it so I haven't felt that type of many anger many times in my life. I am so thankful for that because being that angry and having to live that way would be so awful. Feeling such anger, which for a long time led to hatred is one of the worst feelings I've ever felt, but through it, I learned.

I learned that if you let it, it can destroy you. It can eat you from the inside out.
I learned that you cannot control others and what they do, but you can control you.
I learned that anger is not from God. Seems like a silly thing to have to learn, but if you've ever been that angry, you have to talk truth to yourself... you have to convince yourself that those feelings aren't from God, but from satan.
I've learned that anger and hatred do no good for anyone. Being the one who is angry, you may feel powerful with that anger, but really, its hurting you more than anyone.
I've learned that letting go of the anger sets you free.
But you know the biggest thing I learned?
I learned to cry out to God. I learned to pray. I learned to draw closer to Him.
And that was the best lesson... and if I had to be that angry to learn how to do those things, then there was good from it. 

::photos via pinterest::