Pieces

There has been a lot on my heart lately.
A lot of conviction, guilt, and yuck.
But there has also been good things like joy and happiness.
Today I woke up with a lot bothering me, so I thought I'd try to write a bit out, here.

One thing I've been struggling with for a bit is comparing myself to others.
I think thats something I've done every once in a while,
but right now it seems to be a pretty big deal, a daily thing.

I've been comparing my pregnancy body to other women's.
"She isn't as big as me."
"She is so tiny."
"She looks good."
The thing is this is my second pregnancy and I didn't really lose any weight until I got pregnant.
I knew I'd be be bigger because of those two things.
I also know though, that these negative, comparing thoughts, aren't right.

Some days I look at myself and think I'm not so big.
So what if I was? Every woman's pregnancy is different. Second pregnancies are different!
I do not look bad. Some days I may not feel the greatest about my outer appearance, but thankfully my husband thinks otherwise and tells me often. Thank you James!

Another area I've been comparing myself is in motherhood. I've been doubting myself.

I think maybe its part of our sweet little Maeva coming in 59 days 

and questioning whether I can be a mom of two! 

Which I know, by the way, that I can because God is making it happen

and He will not give me anything I cannot handle! 

Two babies to love and have... what a blessing!

Comparing myself in this area is really bothering my heart. 

I see or hear about a friends child do this or that

and then my mind automatically goes to, "well, how come Braden isn't doing that?" 

"Why isn't Braden saying any numbers or letters?"

"Why doesn't he play this way or that way?"
"Should he be doing that?"

The questions in my mind go on and on. It seems like I'm comparing my son AND I do not want to do that! Braden is his own person and he plays the way he wants. He is smart. He is learning. 

I find myself wondering if I'm doing enough with him. Enough reading? Playing enough? On and on it goes. The truth is no, in some areas I am not doing as much as I should be, but I am not an awful mother. I am a good mom. I do my best and I love him dearly. 

Comparing myself and my mothering to others has taught me a few things. 

Mostly, really, that it is a bad idea. It puts me in a bad mood and takes away joy.

I don't need to do it! It is not healthy!

God made me who He made me for a reason. I can be no one else and no one else can be me. 

He loves me for me. I need to rest in those things.

Help me to rest in those things, Lord. Give me peace. Help me to love.

One thing that I've been extremely thankful for is being apart of She Reads Truth. 

Getting into the word everyday has been so uplifting to me! 

So encouraging! Exactly what I've needed! 

I really can't explain how great it has been!

On my heart lately... 

(ever since I watched a video on youtube about hell) has been the question, "what is enough?" 

"Is it enough to just read His word? To pray?"

"Is it enough to be saved? And how do I know I really am?"

"Is this person in my life saved?"

"Is this person going to heaven or hell?"

A lot of questions that are overwhelming my heart and scaring me a bit too.

But I'm coming back to the verse in 2 Timothy. 

"The Lord KNOWS those who are His." 

He knows me. He knows that I am His. He knows about the people in my life too. 

I know that if I rest in His truth, in these words, they will help my heart.

That is what they do! 

What's on your heart? Anything been overwhelming it lately? 

P.S. Don't forget to check out my 100 followers giveaway below! It's a good one! =)

Growing up happens way too fast!

Yesterday morning when I went to get Braden out of his crib I saw dried blood on his face. 

I looked at his face, but couldn't see anything that had bled or was bleeding. 

However, as the morning went on and Braden was being his silly self, 

I saw the inside of his lip. 

He had bitten it hard in the night. 

Possibly by bumping his head on the crib, like he tends to do. 

I sent a picture to James and we decided that we'd get him a big boy bed in the evening, 

rather than waiting until the weekend. 

Now, he's in a big bed. 

I read this post by a friend yesterday

 and it summed up a lot of what I feel about this and Braden growing up. 

It really does go too fast. It breaks my heart, a bit.

Just yesterday I remember finding out I was pregnant with Braden. 

It was a hard day, but that day, I will forever be thankful for. 

Just yesterday I remember the pregnancy.

How in the end I wanted him to enter the world so badly. 

I remember going to the hospital, thinking I was having contractions, and being sent home. 

I cried...because I just wanted my baby boy. 

I remember having the c-section.

Hearing him cry for the first time. My own tears came then, too.

Just yesterday I remember nursing him. 

How he needed me for that. 

Just yesterday I remember being able to hold him. 

How I could hold him and he'd sleep on me. How I could hold him and he'd be happy. 

Today... he'll be a big brother in about 60 days. 

He's no longer the baby, but a growing, silly, happy, boy. 

Today... he's able to go get his own food, if I'm just not getting it fast enough.

He can point to what he wants. Crackers, oreos, fruit, juice. 

Today... I can't hold him as much as I want. He's too squirmy, too busy.

But he does give me lots of kisses and hugs.

Oh, how I love them!

Today... he's in a big boy bed.

SOB.

Watching him grow up is one of the best things to see as his mama.

Honestly, however, it is really, really hard! 

I want to keep him my little boy forever. Part of me thinks, "Oh, this big bed happened too fast!"

Part of me just wants to put him back in the crib even though he did wonderfully in the bed. 

I know this will happen a lot as I watch him grow. 

^^^ He looks so much like his daddy in the picture!^^^

But I know I can't stop his growing.

It is just a part of life.

I'm glad I at least get to see it happen. 

P.S.

That's how he felt about it when we first put him in bed.

I think he was unsure of what was going on and he was really tired.

It didn't take too long for him to fall asleep and I only heard him make one little peep last night.

And I'm pretty certain I'm going to hear the word, "Car" a lot today. It is his favorite to say!

Scheduling. Do do or not to do?

Are you a mama who schedules things out or just goes with the flow? 

I'm a bit of both, but I think I want to have more of set schedule.

I think it'd be good for both Braden and I. Especially for him with baby sister on the way.

I think it'd be good for him to have something set in stone, but then again I wonder with it all fall apart when Maeva arrives? I'd hate for that to happen. 

I'm thinking about trying something out just so more things get done. 

Often my days feel like nothing happens or gets done. 

Maybe it's because I sleep until Braden wakes up or because we don't have a schedule. 

Here's what I have in mind.

10ish-Braden wakes up and eats breakfast

10:30-Cartoons/get errands done

11:00-12:00 - Playtime/learning/reading

12:00- Lunch 

12:30- 2:00 - Playtime/learning/reading

2:00-4:00 - Nap/down time

4:00- Snack

4:00-4:30- Time outside 

4:30-6:30- No idea

6:30-Dinner time

7:00-8:00- Playtime/hang out time with daddy

8:00-8:30- Bed time routine/bed time

Any ideas from you mama's out there? I have no clue what I'm doing really.

What do you do with your kiddos?

This is just a rough draft and definitely will change often I am sure. 

Scheduling out makes the day seem really long, but then again somedays just seem long anyway.

Any advice or learning activities I could do with my almost 19 month old? 

He really does it own thing a lot of the time - a lot of playing with cars or reading. 

I know I need to do more learning things with him. What are you favorite activities?

I'd appreciate any advice/encouraging words. 

InstaFriday

Today I'm linking up for the first time over at Life Rearranged with instragram photos from my week! 

Lots of pool time with my sweet boy! He was a bit hesitant the first day we went, but in the following days he was all about walking about by himself and splashing. Still, he was more excited about the fountain at the pool. Even tried climbing in!

Daily feeling encouraged and lifted up by God's word though the #SheReadsTruth community on twitter! For the first time I'm reading God's word daily and am really excited about it! Feel free to join! 

Some Starbucks and feeling especially big this week! At the end of my 27th week and like I always say, I can't believe how fast this pregnancy is going! 

A little boy who is all of a sudden enjoying his hat! 

He put it on himself completely wrong, but hey, whatever makes him happy!

Someone being sneaky! Pulling everything off the bookshelf and pulling down the drawer to the disher washer just to climb on top! 

Some art journaling for me. Been wanting to do this for a while!