Finding me

At times life gets really overwhelming because there's so much to it.
There is a husband to love and give time to.
There are children who almost constantly need me.
There is God time I am suppose to be having.
There are commitments. There are friendships. There is family. There are lists.
I get overwhelmed by all of it, sometimes, because lots of it happened so quickly.
There wasn't a lot of transition period from when I was married to becoming a mama.

I read this post by a lovely blogger the other day and couldn't help but think, "yes! yes! yes!"
It was something I could completely relate to.
At times, especially when there are hard seasons in life,
I find myself thinking about who I once was, when I was just me.

I used to have a more consistent, filling relationship with God.

I was confident in my faith.

I had girlfriends I would spend lots of time with. 

I was skinny and didn't struggle with my weight.

I had time to myself.

I was somewhat independent.

Now, don't get me wrong... the list of what was wrong with me is much greater (ha).

I was extremely depressed.

I cried a lot and made extremely bad choices.  

I struggled with loving myself and didn't look to God for love, the way I always should have. 

I wasn't healthy. My body weight, I believe, reflected that.

That "what was wrong with me" list isn't something I miss. 

I realize I shouldn't call it that because that's not nice ;) and it was a growing period.

It was a hard period and at times I wish none of it had happened, but God is good.

He brought me to it and through it. 

But that other list, I miss those things about myself.

Those were good things and the things that made my husband fall in love with me. 

Being married and having babies hasn't made it so I can't be those things.

Those things they've made me grow in good ways, ways God has wanted me to.

I would in no way change being married or having children,

But those other areas, I've lost them, because my focus was put elsewhere.

It's time to spend more time taking care of myself and being the person I feel I'm suppose to be.

So, instead of a word for the year, I have a phrase for the year -- Finding me.

Get back on track with God.

Stay more connected with my girlfriends... we're all so spread out! 

Workout and eat healthy (more on this soon).

Take some "me" time. 

Find myself. 

I want to be a better wife and mother. Finding myself will help with that!

Have you struggled with something like this? Tell me! It's nice to relate to my readers!

When you have two little ones

If you'd never one read my blog or didn't know me...

And asked me about myself the first thing I'd tell you is I'm a mom.

It's not exactly the most important thing. That is, I'm a child of God. 

There's other things about me too, like I'm married and recently decided I'm going to go for my dream, I'm going to start my own photography business, but first, I'd tell you I'm a mom. 

Because that is what I spend most of the time doing, being mom. 

No matter where I am, no matter what I'm doing, I'm always mom to my children. 

I'd also tell you that being a mom of two - a two year and three month old- is hard. 

When you have two littles ones, like I do, lots of days can be hard.
You aim to put all your focus on them.
There's so much that needs your attention.
Diaper changes. Feedings. Baths. Toys. Books. Time outs. Crying.
And if one little one doesn't need or want you, the other one does.
You can lose yourself in those things and me, that's how I've felt lately.
Lost and not myself lately.
Its hard when you don't have very little time for yourself.
You feel a bit like your losing your mind sometimes.

Honestly, I feel like I've lost my mind a bit.

And I want to find it, I want to find me again...

So, that's what I'm trying to do. 

Even if that means just putting the babies in the stroller and going for a walk with my camera. 

I find myself in those moments.

In those moments my heart is full because not only do I have my babies, but I have myself too.