Kissing baby sister

Braden has been pulling my shirt up and randomly decided to blow raspberries on my stomach.

I say, it is kissing baby sister.

Not sure where he learned how to do it, but its so cute and funny!

=) 

Week 23

Week 23. I cannot believe it.

I was talking to my husband this evening about how quickly this is going.

Soon it will be week 25 

And after that week 30 

And then less than 10 weeks Maeva will be here because of having a c-section. 

I'm a bit overwhelmed by it, but at the same time very excited. 

I'm looking forward to seeing her sweet face and holding her.

I can't wait to see James with her and how Braden will respond.

It's all so exciting.

Yet, this whole pregnancy thing is hard.

I've reached the point where I'm not feeling so great about my body. 

I feel huge, but I know I haven't really reached the point where I feel like I'm about to pop. 

I haven't reached the point where I feel like a whale and nothing fits.

I'm dreading that.

I've just reached the point where I feel like my face is fat and am worried about my weight.

I hate those things... how they can rob the joy of this. 

I know those things don't really matter.

All that really matters is being healthy and having her.

All of this... the hardness of pregnancy... it is completely worth it because of her. 

I know that and I tell myself to remember that. 

Thank You Lord for the fact that I am able to carry this precious little girl, this daughter of Yours.

Thank You for this pregnancy being healthy and going well. I love that she is growing well and her kicks... oh, they are wonderful and getting stronger. I am thankful for it all Lord. Help me with my insecurities. Help me to know deep in my heart that all that matters is having her, but mostly that my worth doesn't lie in anything other than You. Not in how I look during pregnancy, not how I feel about my body, my weight, not about anything other than You. Thank You Lord. Amen.

It's a...

Yep, that's right, we are having a girl!
I thought for sure we were having another little boy, whom would have been loved just as much.
But we are very excited about welcoming a baby girl into the world at the end of August!

I'm thankful that James and I were able to agree on a name.

Maeva Renae Rew. 

I can't wait to...

See her,

Hold her,

Kiss her.

A perfect addition to our family.

I think someone may be a bit jealous when she arrives.
He's such a mama's boy.
I'm not sure he'll know how to handle a little girl!

I can't wait until he starts to understand more about the baby in my belly.

I'm sure he will love her just as much as we do.

Worry

I'm a worrier. I always have been, but most of my life the things I've worried about have been me focused. I worried about my heart when it was broken and if the tears would ever stop, if I'd ever feel whole again. I worried about friendships and whether I was being the friend I should be. I worried about college and what I'd do afterwards. Not that I didn't worry about other people... I have, to the point where its made me sick, but mostly I was focused on my life and how I was feeling about whatever was going on. But that changed. You know when? When I became a mother... when I had my son growing inside of me...that is when the worry shifted from me to him. 

The worry is still there. I'm sure that it will be there for a long time because I'll always be a mother and isn't that what comes along with motherhood? Watching your child at the park worrying that he's going to fall and hurt himself, worry that he isn't eating enough, worrying that the diaper rash will never go away, sleepless nights just worrying. Soon enough I'll have two little ones to worry about, but my worry right now is focused on my son. 

When this little one comes into the world, what about him? 

I love him so much. How could I love another as much? Will I have enough to give? 

I know its silly because of course, the answer is, there is enough love. I will have enough. 

I'm worrying just like every other mama who is expecting there second baby. 

That gives me comfort, but still I wonder...

Will I get to hold him just as much?

Will there be time to play with him and enjoy him?

Will I take the time to look at him and still see the joy?

Or will I just have to focus on the new baby? 

Because I want that and I look forward to it.

I'm so excited for the baby...so so excited. 

Yet, I want to still experience my son as much as I am now. 

I know its just worry... that things will be different, but still good. 

I know that I need to trust God.

 He's given me Braden to love and He's giving me this one to love as well. 

 It will all be okay simply because of that.

 God is in this. 

God, thank You for giving me my family and these babies.They are wonderful.

I know You know the future and all that it will be, so please let me find peace in that.

Amen.

Things I enjoy

     A new do. 

     Love the red in my hair. 

    This boy and his cuteness.

    He sat on the couch for a good twenty minutes eating his raisins. 

                              New sunglasses.

     Panda express.

     Watching him devour a eggroll was cracking me up.

    A Denzel Washington Movie.

    He's my favorite actor.

    Mint brownie ice cream, pjs, and my baby bump.