Wednesday, August 1, 2012

36 weeks and my thoughts on having a c-section

White tank: Walmart. Gray tank: Target. Maternity Leggings: JC Penny. Shoes: TOMS. Necklace: Made by a friend.


19 days until Maeava comes. We're in the TEENS. Oh my goodness... 
The closer it gets the more anxious I am. 
Anxious to see her face. To hold her. Love her. 
Anxious to see James with his daughter and Braden with his sister. 
Anxious to be a family of 4! 
Really anxious to not be pregnant anymore. 
Seriously... my body just wants to be done. There is no more room for her in my belly. 
I think I actually pulled a muscle in my stomach because there is a certain spot that constantly aches.
It really feels bruised and if I move/lay a certain way I scream. 
Not to mention sleeping... can't sleep on my stomach and sleeping on my side makes my arms hurt...
So yes, I am counting down the days until Maeva comes and I can have a somewhat normal body back.
Oh, and to actually be comfortable in clothes.

But enough of my complaining... :S

If you've read my blog for some time, then you know that I am having a c-section of August 20th. 
I had a c-section with Braden, but with Maeva it will be different. 
With Braden I was induced and didn't know I was going to have a c-section. 
I labored from 7am until about 3pm, but my contractions weren't moving him down. 
They were strong enough to, but he was stuck. 
So I had a c-section and I guess that's how it's going to go from here on out. 

If you'd asked me how I felt about the idea of a c-section when I was first pregnant, I would have told you it wasn't going to happen. But I also would have told you that I was going to labor without taking meds. HA! Didn't happen! It hurt. I tried to breathe through them and did for some time, but then it just hurt so bad... so I was given an epidural, which worked on one side of my body, but not down the other. I was given another dose of the epidural Didn't do much and then we decided to do the c-section. 

Honestly, I'm okay with having a c-section this time. 
It wasn't something I wanted to do at first, but mostly, I think that's because of others. 
I've been told I shouldn't have a c-section. That its not the best choice. That there are risks. 
I say that for me, it is the best choice. I trust my doctor and what he says. 
Plus, aren't there risks in everything? 
I've felt like I'm less of a woman because I couldn't do it naturally with Braden...without meds. 
Part of it is things that have been said to me, part of it is words I've read by other women...
And part of it is my own mind. 
Often I have felt like others + social media have said that I am less of a woman because I couldn't do it without meds or because I'm having a c-section. Maybe some women do think that and I guess its okay if they feel that way because everyone is entitled to their opinion. However, that doesn't mean I agree.

Truthfully, I feel a bit inadequate...
Having not birthed Braden naturally and having to have another c-section with Maeva. 
The truth in that however, is that its my issue. 
I may let others make me feel bad, I may let myself feel bad about having a c-section, but its silly really.
I am not inadequate just because I can't deal with pain. I am not inadequate because I'm not having my babies naturally. I'm just not. 
Carrying a baby for 9 months is hard work. That's what makes me strong.
Having a c-section may be easier than pushing, but it still takes time to recover.
I still birthed a baby, just in a different way.

Part of me is happy that I'm having a c-section because I feel a bit more prepared. 
I know when she is coming (unless she decides to come sooner, which could totally happen).
Plus plans are in place for Braden to be taken care of and James knows when to take off work.
Not to mention I can actually take a shower before going to the hospital because not being able to for two days while recovering is kinda gross. ;)

Oh, and did I mention last time I had a c-section I wasn't allowed to eat/drink for 24 hours after? 
NO WATER. I was so thirsty, but I think it was because I got so sick while laboring and my doctor didn't want me to throw up after having a c-section because uh, well, how painful would that be! 
That is the thing I'm looking forward to least... I really really want to be able to drink water. 
If you wouldn't mind please pray for that issue and also just my c-section in general.

Thank you! =)

pleated poppy

15 comments:

  1. So praying for you! You look absolutely adorable and i love your little girl's name. I was induced with all 4 of my boys and felt like I was cheating not waiting, but it worked for us. I also had epidurals and am surrounded by a lot of women that choose home birth. Plus my milk never really came in, so my son is formula fed. I let others opinions be my own against myself too. My husband said something so helpful and wise he said, "don't let other peoples sinful reaction dictate how you feel" You are a rockstar for enduring another pregnancy and sacrificing for your little girl!

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    1. Thank you for your kind words. It's true that we shouldn't let how others feel/react dictate how we feel! I'll have to remember that! =)

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  2. I most definitely do not think you are inadequate or lesser than anyone for having a C-section, or for using an epidural!!! I think a C-section is probably harder than natural birth - I mean it is resorted to in severe circumstances, and as you said takes much longer to recover. If anything, I think you are stronger for having one...to me it sounds much more painful. Plus, EVERY pregnancy, birth, delivery, labor, baby, etc. is completely different, so those who judge, or say things that seem judgemental about the whole process, don't know. They don't know your personal story or feelings or circumstances. God does. You know that. And as you said, you are NOT inadequate to Him, and that is what matters!
    I will be praying for these last days of being a family of three, being uncomfortable in your pregnant body, Maeva growing well still, and especially for your C-section and meeting of miss Maeva!
    Can't wait to see/meet her someday :)
    Love you friend. Let me know if there is anything I can do for you!!

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    1. Thank you friend!
      It's true... I am not inadequate to God. I am so thankful He knows my heart through all of this!
      Thanks for praying! I definitely need it!

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  3. I will be praying for your last few weeks! C-sections are no small feat! I have seen my friends go through them. I hope it goes as smoothly as possible for you! The first few months adjusting to two are tough, but it DOES get easier, and the joy of sibling interaction is unmatchable!
    Hugs to you!

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    1. Thanks Anna! I so look forward to seeing Braden and Maeva together as siblings!
      Thanks for the prayers!

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  4. It is INDEED hard work to carry that baby for nine months. Don't anyone tell you otherwise (or at least don't believe it!). There are so many ways in which we get down on ourselves for our supposed failings in motherhood, but the Lord knew your birth story long before it happened, and he still gave you the gift of children - because he picked you for them.:) Good luck!

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    1. Cate, those are all great things that I need to remember! God definitely knew how my pregnancy was going to go with each of my kids and how I would give birth to them. Thanks for reminding me of that!

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  5. I don't think there is anything wrong with any way people choose to have their baby. I have really noticed that there are people on either sides of the fence who think less of the other options, but it should just be a personal decision.

    I am planning on trying to go all-natural, but I realize that most women change their minds. I'll just have to see how well I can handle it all. I don't like telling people, though, because I think most people's reaction is "yeah right." I would rather talk to supportive people who have faith in me rather than tell me I can't do it.

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    1. Jenny, I think its totally do-able to do it all naturally. Silly for people to tell you otherwise! What do they know?!? You will do great no matter how it goes.

      And you're right...totally a personal choice!

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  6. Although this is the first time I've ever stumble across your blog I'm wishing you all the luck in the world!!!!!!!

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  7. Kassie - I think that you are brave to do a c-section. Recovering from MAJOR surgery is a big deal. People who have a "natural" birth, do not have to go through a major recovery, like you do! That's a lot of work. You are a great Mom! :)

    I will most definitely be praying for you in these last few weeks and through your C-section. I'm excited for you & your family.

    Love you, dearie!

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    1. Tina, its true...recovering is tough, but I feel more prepared this time! I think! lol

      Thanks for the prayers friend! Love you!

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  8. I think this was an amazing post. Brave of you to confront all your feelings so vunerably and honestly, as well as the opinions of others. I think you are doing what you feel is safest for your children, regardless of the sacrifices you have to make to do that. That didn't even seem to be an issue for you while writing this out... THAT, is the sign of a true woman, a brave woman, and a great great mother.

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    1. Thank you friend! That means a lot coming from you! =)

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