White tank: Walmart. Gray tank: Target. Maternity Leggings: JC Penny. Shoes: TOMS. Necklace: Made by a friend.
19 days until Maeava comes. We're in the TEENS. Oh my goodness...
The closer it gets the more anxious I am.
Anxious to see her face. To hold her. Love her.
Anxious to see James with his daughter and Braden with his sister.
Anxious to be a family of 4!
Really anxious to not be pregnant anymore.
Seriously... my body just wants to be done. There is no more room for her in my belly.
I think I actually pulled a muscle in my stomach because there is a certain spot that constantly aches.
It really feels bruised and if I move/lay a certain way I scream.
Not to mention sleeping... can't sleep on my stomach and sleeping on my side makes my arms hurt...
So yes, I am counting down the days until Maeva comes and I can have a somewhat normal body back.
Oh, and to actually be comfortable in clothes.
But enough of my complaining... :S
If you've read my blog for some time, then you know that I am having a c-section of August 20th.
I had a c-section with Braden, but with Maeva it will be different.
With Braden I was induced and didn't know I was going to have a c-section.
I labored from 7am until about 3pm, but my contractions weren't moving him down.
They were strong enough to, but he was stuck.
So I had a c-section and I guess that's how it's going to go from here on out.
If you'd asked me how I felt about the idea of a c-section when I was first pregnant, I would have told you it wasn't going to happen. But I also would have told you that I was going to labor without taking meds. HA! Didn't happen! It hurt. I tried to breathe through them and did for some time, but then it just hurt so bad... so I was given an epidural, which worked on one side of my body, but not down the other. I was given another dose of the epidural Didn't do much and then we decided to do the c-section.
Honestly, I'm okay with having a c-section this time.
It wasn't something I wanted to do at first, but mostly, I think that's because of others.
I've been told I shouldn't have a c-section. That its not the best choice. That there are risks.
I say that for me, it is the best choice. I trust my doctor and what he says.
Plus, aren't there risks in everything?
I've felt like I'm less of a woman because I couldn't do it naturally with Braden...without meds.
Part of it is things that have been said to me, part of it is words I've read by other women...
And part of it is my own mind.
Often I have felt like others + social media have said that I am less of a woman because I couldn't do it without meds or because I'm having a c-section. Maybe some women do think that and I guess its okay if they feel that way because everyone is entitled to their opinion. However, that doesn't mean I agree.
Truthfully, I feel a bit inadequate...
Having not birthed Braden naturally and having to have another c-section with Maeva.
The truth in that however, is that its my issue.
I may let others make me feel bad, I may let myself feel bad about having a c-section, but its silly really.
I am not inadequate just because I can't deal with pain. I am not inadequate because I'm not having my babies naturally. I'm just not.
Carrying a baby for 9 months is hard work. That's what makes me strong.
Having a c-section may be easier than pushing, but it still takes time to recover.I still birthed a baby, just in a different way.
Part of me is happy that I'm having a c-section because I feel a bit more prepared.
I know when she is coming (unless she decides to come sooner, which could totally happen).
Plus plans are in place for Braden to be taken care of and James knows when to take off work.
Not to mention I can actually take a shower before going to the hospital because not being able to for two days while recovering is kinda gross. ;)
Oh, and did I mention last time I had a c-section I wasn't allowed to eat/drink for 24 hours after?
NO WATER. I was so thirsty, but I think it was because I got so sick while laboring and my doctor didn't want me to throw up after having a c-section because uh, well, how painful would that be!
That is the thing I'm looking forward to least... I really really want to be able to drink water.
If you wouldn't mind please pray for that issue and also just my c-section in general.
Thank you! =)